Midnight Memories

V

I'm done.

I'm done longing for your smile, your smell, and your presence. I'm done wishing I could go back to the times when everything was easy and I haven't fallen for you yet. I'm done waiting for you.

I'm just done.

I could fool myself into thinking that you're afraid.

You might be afraid because I accept every part of you, the good and the bad. You might be afraid because even though sometimes, you like to paint yourself as a bad guy, I still see the good in you.

You might be afraid because I'm not shy about calling you out on your flaws. When you're bossy, I tell you that you're being bossy. When you're being maarte, I tell you to stop being such a girl.

You might be afraid because I speak what's on my mind. You might be afraid because I don't play any games. When I feel like texting you, I text you. I don't wait a few minutes to an hour before I reply.

You might be afraid because I play by my own rules.

You might be afraid because I think you're worth it, and maybe you think you're not. You might be afraid because you believe I don't deserve you.

You might be afraid because I make you worry, and maybe you don't like it. Maybe you don't like worrying about a girl you barely know.

You might be afraid because you can feel yourself starting to care, you're getting attached. You never get attached.

You might be afraid because I make you jealous. Even though you claim that you've never been jealous, I know that once there was a part of you that got ticked off that time I was out with a guy friend.

If you weren't jealous, you wouldn't have teased me about it. If you weren't jealous, you would've just told me to have a good time and end it with that. But no, you teased me so you could seem cool about the fact that I was out with another guy and a part of you didn't like it.

I know, because I do that, too.

You might be afraid because you're tempted to lose your self-control whenever you're with me. You weren't able to stop yourself from holding my hand. You weren't able to keep yourself from pulling me close.

You might be afraid because I'm curious about everything. You might be afraid because you may end up being my first.

You might be afraid that I'll get along with your friends. No, you're sure that I'll get along with them. Because of that, you might be afraid that they'll like me for you. You might be afraid because you know they'll be right.

You might be afraid because I break down your walls. You shared some personal things and I shared some, too. You might be afraid because you feel comfortable with me – too comfortable that it makes you uncomfortable.

You might be afraid because you can feel yourself falling for me. I know you enough to tell that you think it's not really practical because you'll be gone for who knows how long to who knows where.

You might be afraid because you want to listen to your heart even though you know you should listen to your mind.

You might be afraid because there's a part of you that thinks I'm the one.

You might be afraid because you already know it's true.

But I have to stop.

I have to stop feeling bad for myself. I have to stop thinking about the what ifs. I have to stop wondering what I could've done different.

I have to accept the fact that none of it meant anything to you, and you simply do not care.

And I should stop caring, too.

After all, I'm only one of the many.

And you?

You're just my beginning.

I deserve better.