Midnight Memories

I

This...

This is my letter to you.

I didn't expect you to be more than just a guy I met. I didn't expect you to be more than just a week's worth of senseless chats. I didn't expect you to be the guy that would be the closest I'd ever fallen in love with.

But you are.

You taught me a lot of things. You taught me that I could be sweet. You taught me that there was nothing wrong with not playing the game. You taught me never to rush, that things will happen in their right pace.

But you made me do something I swore I'd never let anyone do to me.

You made me question my worth.

You said you were tired of the flings and the hookups. You said you were past that. But then, you also said you weren't sure about me. That was why we were only "hanging out." We were enjoying each other's company. That was it.

That made me feel that I wasn't good enough. That made me feel that I was the girl that you could only hang out with, but not really be with. That made me question my worth.

And that... snapped me out of this high.

But still, I'm thankful.

I'm thankful because you introduced me to that Tapsihan place in Kamuning, where they serve really good food. I'm thankful for that time you made me try that wagyu steak. I'm thankful because you never let me go hungry, and you paid – all the time.

I'm thankful that I can do something as silly as a GIF war with you. I'm thankful because we can talk about anything – literally anything.

I'm thankful that you're the first guy to accept my crass and bluntness, never getting offended and shooting me back with your own witty humor. I'm thankful because you didn't pull away from my honesty, you embraced it.

I'm thankful because you didn't shy away from meeting my family that one time. I'm thankful for that same night you picked me up when I was drunk just to make sure I get home safe.

I'm thankful that you didn't rush me, you were patient.

I'm thankful for all those times you caught me staring at you and didn't find me creepy. I'm thankful that time you got sick because I got to hold your hand. Even if you kept apologizing afterwards, which made me feel bad.

I'm thankful for all those AM drives around the city. I'm thankful for the late night walks, even though you always end up being bitten by mosquitoes. I'm thankful for that time you held my hand while you were driving, even kissing it and making me feel how treasured I am.

I'm thankful because you're the first guy to ever receive a back hug from me. I'm thankful because you're also the first guy I've ever really kissed.

I'm thankful for the times I caught you staring at me with a smile on your face. I'm thankful for the butterflies fluttering inside of me whenever I'm with you or simply talking to you. I'm thankful because for the first time, I'm head over heels happy. Or... was.

I'm thankful because even for a short while, I genuinely believed that I'm not going to be forever alone, after all.

That's why even though whatever we have is finally coming to an end, I'm thankful that I met you. Because through it all, you proved to me that guys like you still exist out there.

Someday, I'll meet a guy that will do everything you did. But with three things different; he would be sure about his feelings for me; he wouldn't waste anytime; and he will never make me question myself.

You, KK, are my lesson.

And I'm mostly thankful for that.