Ursa Minor (On hiatus)

Friend or whatever

"Me, Kat, Angie, hopefully Mel, maybe Ryan and Luci." 

I rolled my eyes. "Like Ryan would."  

"I'll try and talk with him." 

"Yeah, try." Ever since he started dating Luciana 18 months ago they were joined at the hip. And she was a fucking hippie, believing in things like peace and understanding and tree spirits. No way Ryan would join.

"And maybe Allen," Trish continued, "I tried convincing him by saying it was an art project, but he seemed skeptical." Of course he would be, with that mom. But I didn't feel like telling Trish I'd been at his place. "You haven't heard?" I said instead. "His mom is like the high priestess of some right-to-life organization. You think he cares about women's rights?" 

"Don't you think I already know that? You think I'd give the code to the dark room to just anyone? I've already investigated into that and other issues too." 

"What did he say then?" 

"Uhm, he didn't actually say much," Trish admitted, "Like you could tell that he didn't agree with it, but that he didn't want to speak badly of his mom. I don't think he could speak badly about anyone," she finished a little dreamily, no doubt comparing him to Adam. I kinda wanted to know what this investigation of Trish's had contained, and what he actually had said, but I didn't want it to seem like I was probing. Didn't really care either.

"Isn't he a bit, like intense though?" I asked instead. 

"Whaddaya mean intense?" Trish looked at me blankly. "Like personality-wise? I don't think so." 

"No like face-wise. Appearance-wise, I don't know." I rambled, already regretting asking and Trish's face went from blank too nonplussed. "I still don't get what you're trying to say. Like you have a way more intense face, like your eyes when you sort of squint a bit like you do..." I glared at her.  

"Yeah, like that," she nodded, "but like a little less annoyed, very sexy. And you're way cuter, and smarter than Adam, and a lot nicer when we're fighting. Why did I break up with you again?" She asked jokingly, masking her face against my chest. 

"Don't ask me, you like fucking broke my heart," I said unnecessarily harshly, annoyed with her for bringing it up. Thinking about that afternoon when it had become so clear that it wouldn't work out. And the month that followed when I'd been so fucking low, because if I couldn't make it with someone I felt so connected to, would I ever make it?  

"Liar," Trish mumbled against my hoodie, and we both knew she was right.

Like always when waiting for a test or a presentation or whatever, the hours swished by, right until the minutes before. Then time instead seemed to almost stop, linking forward in slow-motion. Always too early, I ended up waiting by the class room. Waiting for Mrs. Conway arrive. Waiting for her to look at her list, making up the order as she went along, so you never knew when it was your turn to get your head chewed off. I hated it. Turned out Allen was early one too, sitting on a bench outside the class room when I arrived. We awkwardly greeted each other, and I sat down for a second, before getting up again. The hallway still almost empty, giving room for pacing. So I paced. Allen silently watched me going back and forth.

"Are you nervous?" He finally asked. 

"I'm feel like I'm going to pass out!" I blurted out, turning again, counted. Ten steps and then I turned again. Why had I even admitted to it? Because, no use denying, it was pretty obvious. I waited for the 'no you won't you'll be fine' that everybody seemed to think helped in these situations. 

"Yeah, me too. Maybe we should make a pact, you know, like if you pass out, I'll pass out too, and then someone else will have to deal with it. And the other way around." Allen laughed. A nervous laugh. Great. Nothing would calm me down more than having someone equally jittery next to me. Ten steps. I turned again. Seven steps. I sat down next to Allen and wiped my hands on my jeans. Maybe sitting down and have a look at my notes like Allen would help.