Dearest Maria,

To the girl who broke herself

To the girl who broke herself,

               You, who broke yourself by breaking someone else. You are capable of making your man the happiest guy in the world. You could have accepted his love and said 'Yes'. Despite of having all the fortune in this world just by having him, you chose to leave him behind, shattered and still begging for your love. He thought he wasn't enough so he made himself better for you. You saw him grow, instead of giving back his love, you closed all your doors for him, leaving him unwanted.

Do you know after that day he became a mess, obviously falling apart and he was known as the greatest wreck you've ever created? You were filled with guilt, you wanted his love more than anything else, he sees his future with you but you stopped seeing those with him because you believed you were not enough, he was too much for you and he was too good to be true, you told yourself you were afraid to be left because you knew he has a thousand percent chance of leaving you just like what you did to him.

Nevertheless, there he was, still sitting at your front porch waiting for your doors to let him in. You open the door agape and he saw it, thinking you were giving him a chance because you knew he was worth the try. Slowly, you wanted him fully, you wanted him to see your soul's nakedness and transparency and you wanted to be an open book just for him, just thinking about it, you were so happy living with that imagination. So you completely changed your mind and you want him back more than anything in this world. You chase him and look for the places where you left him. Too bad, he has already taken a hundred steps away from you, he was already dealing with his emotions and you were already gray for him. Just when you thought you were ready, he was already with someone else. You blamed yourself, saying you could have said yes before because he courted your parents and he was not just your suitor but a suitor of your heart. You two clicked but you thought you weren't and he was beyond your reach. You were filled with fears, even the fear of loving him. Although you knew he was worth the risk. You spent your days locked in your rooms and staring at your four pink walls asking yourself what you have done, why did you let him go and why did you not grasp his hand when he was still reaching for yours.

Later on, you started feeling like you were missing out the big picture and you only recently realized that you want a future with him, you want him to father your children and be a part of your enthusiastically weird family. Then came a hard slap for you, you will never find someone like him again because you already know that you cannot have the same thing twice, there will always be the best before that and something that isn't enough after having it.

Now, you finally need to take a deep breath and free yourself from your own cage, no one trapped you, you did it on your own. You were way silly than you ever thought, and then you prayed just like a nun waiting for God's miracle and salvation. You still wanted him to be the happiest man but this time, you didn't wish it was for you but for the girl he loves now. You avoided him, but you know you needed closure and you confronted him, he never changed. He was still kind and nice to hold, but now, he is a valuable you cannot own. He was already tied to someone else, still devoted and ever faithful just like before. At the same moment, you wish that was you but c'mon, wake up, there's someone better out there waiting for you to finally notice him among the crowd. Inhale the optimism you have always dearly love and exhale the feelings and truth that you were loved but you did not give him a chance. Continue your heaving, soon, not later not today and not tomorrow but soon, you'll find the right one and he will be more than the best you thought you've seen so far. You are loved, maybe not now, but you will be by the person whom you still haven't meet.

12;02 PM

3/23/17