Stripped

Future Looks Good

“Annie, I have no time for this. Where the hell are you?”

I yelled at her on the phone because it was hot and sticky and I have been walking back and forth in front of the fountains of Bellagio.

“I’m almost there. Can you stay put? You’ll sweat more if you don’t stop pacing back and forth.”

“Huh? How did you know I was pacing back and forth? Where the hell are you?”

“Just stay there, okay? Jeez, why are you so stubborn!”

“Fine! Fine! I’m staying put. Ugggh.”

It was a week after their wedding and we were back in Las Vegas for the weekend for a dinner reception for Greg’s family in Nevada who didn’t get to fly to San Diego. Annie texted me bright and early to tell me to meet them for lunch by the Fountains of Bellagio. Of course she had to pick this spot, my evil witch of a twin sister. I could already feel that she had planned something that would involve me and RJ.

After I passed out at the rehearsal dinner, I avoided him at all cost. I was so confused about my feelings for him and the bomb that Dr. Bokowsky dropped on me. But we still went through the whole wedding and reception. We stuck to our duties as maid of honor and best man to make sure that the wedding of Greg and Annie went smoothly. I didn't hear from him anymore after that.

When Annie told me about the reception, that according to Greg, his relatives begged to have in Las Vegas, I was hell bent on not going. Obviously, my sister won me over because there I was standing in the desert heat, waiting for them to arrive for this “lunch.”

I leaned on the railing to watch the water show while waiting and prepared myself for the possibility of seeing him again.

The week that had passed was difficult, to say the least. Annie and Greg went on a mini honeymoon in San Clemente, so I was left alone with our parents and my scattered brain. They told me that RJ left and drove straight home to Las Vegas, as soon as I left the reception on Saturday night.

Dr. Bokowsky apologized profusely for the accidental revelation about Andrew’s corneal graft. I couldn’t blame the old doctor though, because just a few months ago, I bombarded him with visits and emails because I wanted to find the person who received my fiance’s eyes. It probably wouldn’t have been a big deal if it was someone else. It just shocked me too much that it was RJ, and I couldn’t immediately accept the fact that I got played by coincidence, or fate, or what have you.

I went to Andrew’s grave the day after the wedding, and there I poured out everything I’d kept for years-- my regrets, fears, sadness, and emptiness. He was my first love but although a part of me regretted that I didn’t accept his first proposal, I will never regret that I gave myself more time to let us grow in love and assure myself that I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. It shattered my heart when I lost him, but I would make the same decision over again if only to have the deeper, selfless, and unconditional love we had before he died, rather than the impulsive and unsure feelings when we just started dating. When a cool breeze blew and dried my tears as I knelt by his tombstone, I knew it was him telling me to move on and love again. For the first time after his death, I felt the gaping hole in my heart slowly filling with a love that I alone could little by little put in there.

Love and accepting it from someone have always been a choice, and it’s also up to us to believe that every choice we make will still ultimately lead us to where we’re supposed to be. It is our decisions that shape our lives after all. After two years of losing him, I was finally able to say goodbye and ultimately free myself by letting him go.

The applause from the crowd around the Fountains of Bellagio brought me back to the present. The water show had just ended, which meant I had been standing there for half an hour. I looked around to check if Annie and Greg have arrived, but as expected, they were nowhere in sight. I pulled my phone from my back pocket and was about to dial Annie again when I felt him, even before I saw him.

I slowly turned and there he was, in maroon shorts and white collared shirt, at the spot where he said he made a wish years ago. He looked pissed as he tapped on his phone and I imagined that he was having the same conversation with Greg as I had with Annie earlier. But even with his brows furrowed and lips tightly pursed, he looked just as handsome as when I first saw him as our stripper. I sighed, for it had only been two weeks, and yet it already felt like a lifetime ago.

I debated if I should just innocently walk past him and let him see me or just go and approach him.

I decided on the latter.

I took a deep breath and headed to where he stood, but just two steps in, he looked up and suddenly we were face to face again.