Frostbite

The cold doesn't bother her, not anymore. It's almost like it can't touch her. She feels it on her skin, but not inside of her. The shiver don't get pass her skin, moving through her body. She should go inside. Inside where it is warm and not cold like outside. Where the fire of the heart will warm her. Where her family is. Inside with the food and the drinks. Wine and lasagna. No wine for the kids though. Even if no one follows that rule anymore. Or maybe it was never followed. They didn't follow it when she was one of the youngsters. A dip for the littlest and a glass for the sweet sixteens and older. It didn't matter, not anymore.

She can't feel the tears falling down. Sliding down her checks and freezing. Burning her with the cold. A different kind of burn, then that of a fire, that will leave a mark, one worse. Her father had laugh at her when she had gotten burned on their skiing trip last year. In this very same merry period. She had to see a dermatologist. She had sworn to herself that she would always use her mask after that, when skiing at least, she still had some problems with using it at other moment. But in this instant she couldn't get anything to cover her face. Everything was inside the house, and she couldn't go inside, not now.

It was a stupid reason to cry, so, so, so stupid! Stop crying.

"Stop!"

Was that her? Was that her voice? She couldn't tell.

The scream rips itself from her throat. It had almost hurt. She didn't want to scream, but it was like she couldn't stop.

"Stop!"

Stop what? Stop doing what? Stop crying? Stop screaming? Stop fighting? Stop what?!

The arms around her body burn her more then the cold had burned her it that skiing trip last year. More then the hot water her cousin had drop on top of her when she was ten. Quicker then the time she had put her hand in the fire on that dare from her brother. The arms hurt more then that time she had fallen and broken her leg, the bone sticking out, her oldest cousin had pushed her when she was five. The air left her faster than that time she had bungee jumped, on a stupid bet from her uncle. And it wouldn't come back, like when she had almost drown in the lake. Before her grandfather had jumped in and saved her.

Where was he now? Where was Fred? He must have pushed her again, it was an accident granny don't punish him. He had a wife now and two kids. Where were they? Where was her brother? He had just gotten his FBI badge. Where was her father? He had to drive her to the dermatologist again, the tears were still burning down her cheeks. No Alexander I still haven't gotten my license, stop laughing, I am your older sibling you have to respect me asshole! Where was Maria? She always dropped everything. I know you didn't mean to drop it on me cuz, it was twenty years ago, let it go!
WHERE WERE THEY?

Oh

They're inside the house, all of them, her family.

The heat does burn.

"Stop fighting!"

NO!

She had just stepped outside a second, to get more wine from the cabin where her granny kept it.

Where are you granny?

Why do you keep the wine so far away? It's a thirty minute walk granny! Fine, but you can't open the present without me!

"Stop fighting Caroline! You can't do anything anymore! They're gone! I'm so sorry. Stop fighting!"

She has told her aunt to get the gas line check, hadn't she? It was too close to the fire, it was too faulty. Damn it Aunt Veronica!

Where are you Aunt Veronica?

She had gotten Tommy the toy he wanted. Everyone had it, he said coming home from school one afternoon. She still hadn't give it to him. It was under the tree with the other toys. Under the burning tree. They had a dinner at his father's family's house tomorrow.

Do we have to go mommy?

Yes Tommy, they're your family too. Nathaniel back me up.

Where was Nathaniel? Where was her husband?

WHERE WAS HER SON?

"He's inside. Oh God, Caroline. He's inside. They're all inside. I'm so sorry. Stop fighting!"

Faulty gas line, big fire near it.

Boom.

The heat burns. But she wish it was burning hotter. Because if it was then she would be inside. Not here outside with the bottle of wine and the neighbors she had known since birth.

Neighbors who where stopping her. Keeping her from her family. From her son. From her husband. From her brother. From her cousins. From her granny and grandpa. From her father. From her son. From her aunts and uncles. From her son.

From jumping into the burning fire that the decided Christmas house had become.