Midnight Memories

II

I saw something funny on Facebook today, I wanted to show it to you.

I smelled the sweet scent of donuts on the way home today and suddenly craved to eat some, I wanted to whine to you.

I finally got some news on that thing I was waiting for, I wanted to share with you.

How was your first day at training, I wanted to ask you.

The Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2 is showing soon, I want to invite you.

I'm talking to that boy who your uppity side called 'squats', I want to tease you.

He has nothing on you, I want to confess to you.

I miss talking about random things with you, I want to admit to you.

I wish I'm strong enough right now to be friends with you, I want to tell you.

But I need time and space to go back to the person I was before I met you.

That person who doesn't keep on waiting for you. That one who doesn't halt her life when you finally decide to text or reply. That girl who followed the damn list.

With you, I didn't play any games. I was honest, maybe even a little too straightforward.

With you, I replied as soon as I could. There were times when I would reply the moment I wake up, but that was mostly because I fell asleep on you the night before.

With you, I wasn't able to keep my cool because you were able to read me, anyways – poker face and all.

A part of me keeps wondering...

If I had used the list on you, would things be different now?

Would we still be talking? Would you be chasing after me? Would we be playing the game? Would you look at me different, not the baby you always think I am? Would we be friends or something more?

But you know, I don't regret not using the list on you.

I'd rather be the girl who wore her heart on her sleeve, than the girl who played it cool like every other person in the dating scene right now.

But then... We didn't really date, did we?

You know what sucks the most? It's not that I expected anything, because I didn't. Like I told you many times, I never expected anything... but I hoped.

God, I hoped.

And that was my mistake.

So even though you don't feel the same way, even though you think I'm a little bit psycho, and even though we don't end up together, I'm okay.

I know I'll be that girl who's never been kissed at 23 – Oh, wait...

I'll be that girl who doesn't have a filter because I'd rather be real.

I'll be that girl who, even though sometimes naive, knows what she wants.

I'll be that girl who's always curious and isn't afraid to question everything.

I know I might be one of the many girls you met on that dating app.

But I'll be the only one worth remembering.