Are You Still There?

Chapter 11

--- Dream ----

"John!? What's wrong with you?!"

We were outside on the road, near some flat. "Nothing Lucille Get away. Now." John shouted back as he walked into the flat. I followed behind him. "Tell me. I don't want to loose you." I sobbed. He suddenly gripped my shoulders and pushed me against the wall, "I don't need you, you said it yourself, you don't love me. Leave me the fuck alone." He spat out.

I looked into his eyes, they were filled with fear, pain, and anger. His eyes weren't brown anymore they somehow morphed into a darker brown, almost deathly black.

"John what have we become..?" I asked hoping that he'd explain. "You left me. Remember? You said that you could do better." He said as he sighed slightly bothered at my incompetence. He turned around and began to walk off towards a distant room. "I love you.." I said quietly.. "It never seemed like it." He said distantly. "Come back then!" I shouted as I kneeled down to the floor shaking. He walked back, "What do you want? You hurt me, and now you want me?" He said as each word stabbed my very existence away. "I love you John. How can I prove it?" I pleaded.

"Kiss me." John said within a heart beat, his eyes going back to brown.

I softly pressed my lips onto his showing all my passion in this one moment. I felt John's love begin to return but as I opened my eyes for a brief second to see if this was real, his eyes went from the brown I once loved, turned back into the cold black eyes his anger overcoming as he fought with himself. Suddenly, I felt my face burn not with passion, but pain. His hand made contact harshly showing that anger had overcome him.

"You never loved me. Just leave me, like everyone else did."

And with that said, John spit on the ground in front of me and left.

Never to be seen again.

--- End Dream ---

I woke up in tears. "Why?" Was all I could ask myself.

Why?

I turned to look at my clock. 4:30 am. I couldn't go back to sleep, not after that. I wiped the cold sweat from my forehead and sat up on my bed. Shaking. I couldn't control anything. Not my emotions, my mind, nor my heart. I felt as if it were beating a thousand times, yet it wasn't moving. I felt dead. 'Lucy, don't cry. It was a dream. Don't cry, not this time. Don't do it.' I fought with myself, only to feel my tears escape from my puffy eyes.

I sat like this until sunrise. I checked the clock again. 6:55 am.

I sighed and got up, I could go back to sleep. But what if I think of something worse? What if that actually happened?

I ran my fingers through my hair trying to understand why I thought of that. I couldn't feel anything, hear anything, see anything.. Thinking of that dre- nightmare made me numb. As if loosing him made me feel nothing at all. Just a waste in space, being nowhere.

I laid back down on my bed and rested. I couldn't sleep after what had just happened so resting seemed like the better option. 'Not sleeping, just rest' I thought to my self.

I opened my eyes after what seemed like a second, 9:45 am. I got up and headed towards the bathroom. Looking into the mirror I saw the most hideous site.

My pale face, that my mother once said looked like china doll's seemed like plaster. My chocolate brown eyes seemed black and puffy. My pink lips, white. I still couldn't feel anything.

I turned the sink on and washed my face trying to bring the color back.

I looked in the mirror to see most of the color came back, my lips turned into a pale pink, my eyes no longer as puffy and black, and my face looked my smoother.

I groaned quietly at my appearance. 'You look pathetic. Why would anyone want you?' I heard myself insult the reflection. I shook the thought off and went back to my room. I went back to my room and got dressed. I put on black shorts, and a white shirt with a black cardigan. I brushed my straight hair and let it down.

When I walked down the stairs and into the kitchen I found a small note written from my mother,

"Lucy,

Your father and I had to run some errands back in London. Sorry, about the short notice, we won't be back until tonight, we trust that you will be responsible if you choose to go out with some friends.

Love you with all our hearts,

Mom and Dad.

P.S.- I left some breakfast on the counter for you."

I read the note over and over. They left for the day. Sure I was bummed that they were in London with out me. But, that did give me time to hang out with John. I walked over to the kitchen to find some eggs and toast. I took the still warm plate and sat at the table alone. The house was quiet but peaceful, no tension or stress. Just pure bliss..

After I ate, I cleaned the house up and walked over to the phone. My fingers numbered a memorized number. The phone began to ring until it was picked up. "Hello?" I heard a horse voice ask. "Hey it's Lucy, do you want to hang out later? My parents are out and won't be back until tonight." I said. "Yeah, sure I'll be there in an hour or so." He replied tiredly. "Ok I'll see you soon."