Turns out, I have lived long enough to have my first boyfriend. Taylor calls every night at 6 on the dot. I grab my mobile and hide in my bedroom. Mum says she can tell I'm in love, she says I'm blushing more easily, coming down to dinner with love surging through my leukemic bloodstream and my heart thumping like a hummingbirds wing. I'm smiling more, I've noticed that, but when I'm thinking of Taylor, I guess it's almost automatic for me to smile. I think this might it. He might be The One. Like, The One.
Taylor's dad picked me up last night and we went to the movies. We saw that new suicide squad film, well Taylor did, I spent the majority of the time trying to do primary five physics in my head so I could figure out how electricity seemed to fizz and crackle between us. Then we walked around Glasgow for a bit, him with his usual cap to cover his bald head, me in my cropped wig, not quite comfortable to go "commando"just yet. We talked about everything other than our cancer and I wish I could put into words just how amazingly freeing that was. To have someone you can relate to but to not talk about the one thing that connects you. He kept smiling at me, a really big, wide-toothed smile that showed all of his perfect teeth, and my teeth which, even after endless hours of brushing , remained a faint yellowish. We talked about music and he laughed aloud when I expressed my love for Stevie Nicks but when he told me that he loved Cass Elliot it was my turn to laugh uproariously. We talked about school and how our friends, despite being amazing, just didn't understand the 'lovely' parts of cancer. We talked about TV, since we both had enough free time to watch a lot of it and we discovered a mutual love of "American Horror Story" and "That 70's Show" and found that we both had a passion for Mila Kunis and how romantic it was that she married her childhood character's first love. He asked if I was hungry and we agreed on pizza.
In the pizza restaurant, we finally discussed our cancer. We shared the fear of the Unknown. The stains of spilt chemo therapies on our favourite band tees. The amount of heat that we lost through our bald heads. The pain of having our ports accessed and how it was even worse when they missed. We talked about re-occurrence, relapse and remission, how cheap wigs felt you had the worst lice infestation ever and how the sympathy stares from strangers made you feel angry, like they were thinking about how lucky they were that it wasn't their families. Even though we were both hungry, neither of us could finish our pizzas, I sometimes threw up if I ate too much, not a bulimia thing, just a cancer thing. When Taylor's dad dropped me off at home, Taylor walked me up to my porch and without any hesitation, we kissed. Our bodies moving like sails together and our mouths didn't part at all. But it wasn't all storybook-perfect. I had to tell him my big news.
"Hey, stop a second" I whispered, my voice now extremely husky
"What's wrong, you okay?" he asked, as he interlaced his fingers with mine
"Yeah, yeah I'm okay but I have to tell you something. It's not exactly good news." I paused, trying to gauge his reaction but he seemed to be waiting for me to continue so I took a big, deep breath and said it outright
"My cancer's back and my kidneys are failing. I start chemo next week"
"oh, so I'll see you in the hospital then?" he asked, his smile beginning to creep up his face and then he hugged me and walked back to his car.
The only way I can describe it is as though I was walking six inches above the ground. I think I'm in love.
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Reflection in the mirror
Teen FictionI'm Olivia, I'm dying. meet Olivia, her siblings and her parents, who are all preparing for one of the biggest fights of their lives. when Liv was diagnosed with cancer, there was no cure, but now, there is a treatment on the horizon but at a c...
