My dialysis sessions are now running about four times a week for about an hour or so at a time. Basically, I'm hooked up to a machine that does the job that my failing kidneys aren't doing. I'm connected by catheter which means I'm essentially tied to my bed for that whole hour, during that time, Cassie is my eyes and ears. I like to send her on errands, spying on the other patients on the ward and getting me the magazines from the day room, though I usually bring a book or my phone and headphones to listen to my music, Cassie sometimes brings her homework and tests me on my mountain of practically useless knowledge: words like catheter, leukaemia, benign... these words are ingrained in my brain even though I'll never find them on a single test at school.
Cassie is doing some kind of English work and is asking me about some poem that she has to learn, so reluctantly I take the sheet and test her appalling memory.
"okay, go!" I say, egging her on.
"So you think it's Stephen/ Then I'd best make sure/ Ah there's been a mistake, the hair/ You see it's black, now Stephen's fair...." she carries on and on until the poem is finished and she only needed prompting twice. Just then, my mum came into my curtained off room with a massive folder tucked under her arm and the expression of sheer rage on her delicate face, her dark hair pulled back into a tight ponytail which served only to emphasise her sharp features and her jaw was clenched as tight as her fist.
"Liv, what the fuck is this?" she asks, sitting down and crossing her arms, indicating to a single sheet of paper from the pile on her lap.
" I don't know" somehow, I got the feeling that this was not the time, place or situation to say something stupid like 'pieces of paper'
"Well, I'll tell you. This is a letter from Dr Addams. She says that you told her not to bother with the surgery because you don't feel up to such invasive surgery. Did you say that?" Her eyes spoke such volumes that I simply couldn't lie to her. Not anymore.
"Yeah mum, I did say that. Look, listen to me for once in my life mum, I'm tired of this. It's too much, I'm thirteen and I can't tell you when I last went to school. I've lived in this hospital since the day after my diagnosis ten years ago. Ten fucking years mum! Do you have any idea how that makes me feel, do you? For ten years I've been watching people come in here with those long faces, sad eyes and drooping smiles. I'm done. I quit" Cassie looked at me with a mixture of both fear and admiration in her tiger eyes but we both knew that this fight was FAR from over. Mum just looked at me, you know that kind of look that kinda shows disappointment but also pain? yeah, that look. Without a word she took out her phone and walked out into the hallway, dialling as she went, her shoes making a sort of slapping noise on the floor.
"Damn Liv, didn't know you had that you!" joked Cassie
"Yeah well, this is what happens when you just want to die at thirteen, just casually, y'know." I said awkwardly.
"Liv, I get it. Hell, if it would help end your suffering, I'd pull the fucking trigger if you'd let me" said Cassie, living up her red hair at last, I could feel her repressed anger, hurt and all these different feelings and emotions that probably haven't even occurred to her yet. She's one fiery kid, I'll say that for her and she's got one hell of an opinion that she wasn't afraid to share with any Tom, Dick or Harry in the day room.
I know what you're probably thinking, "what's up with the pious cancer kid and her bullshitty dysfunctionally unconnected family?" Well. All in good time.
YOU ARE READING
Reflection in the mirror
Teen FictionI'm Olivia, I'm dying. meet Olivia, her siblings and her parents, who are all preparing for one of the biggest fights of their lives. when Liv was diagnosed with cancer, there was no cure, but now, there is a treatment on the horizon but at a c...
