Today Cassie and I were chilling out. I use that term loosely, Cassie's always on red alert, always. But anyway, we were in my bedroom, listening to music and checking out guys that we like on Instagram and Facebook when my parents come in, my mum and my dad. This alone is more serious than the whole "who's turn is it to empty the dishwasher?" rigmarole and we shut off the sound system and sat on my bed. Mum and dad kept exchanging these glances, like we couldn't see them and when mum opened her mouth, even Cassie could tell that she's been crying.
"Okay. Liv, you know that your cancer is back right?" she asked, I nodded, words leaving my body
"And we all know how Cassie gave you those cells when you were younger, right?" she directs this question to me but it's Cassie that nods, her amber hair falling out of it's tight french braid.
"Well. Dr Addams has suggested a new treatment. It involves arsenic therapy" she starts
"What, like the poison? No way mum!" I interrupt
"No, wait, hear me out a second, you get it intravenously for around thirty days, then some chemo and radiation therapy but we'll need red blood cells. But that's something else. Liv, your kidney's are failing. Badly. So badly, in fact that you only just qualify for this treatment. The chemo has wreaked havoc on your kidney's and you need a transplant. But at a cost. This kidney has to come from Cassie"
My kidneys are failing. I guess I can say that I'm dying bit by bit. I turn to my sister, she's only ten. Why should we put her through this? We can just let me die, I'm ready, I'm packed. A picture of her suddenly flashes through my mind, her on a hospital gurney, under anaesthetic, giving me something so precious, a body part, critical to her own survival but yet, giving it to me because I need saving. Again. Always me. Why Cassie? Why did it have to be her? she doesn't deserve this, this is major, more than me asking her for a loan of her cherry bomb twist lip gloss, this is a KIDNEY we're talking about here. A kidney that is residing in my baby sister's body as we silently debate this issue.
My dad shakes his head:
"That's invasive surgery, for both of them" he says, his voice only just above a whisper, cracking and breaking with repressed sobs.
Both my parents look at me. I feel their eyes, revolving over my body, my thin, hairless, tired, drawn out, cancerous body. The room is silent. the only audible noise is the ticking of my wall-mounted clock. Cassie turns to look at me, her big green eyes meeting my own blue eyes. We don't have to speak, we know exactly what the other is thinking... or so I thought.
"Sure, how soon can we do the surgery?" asks Cassie, without a hint of fear. I feel my heart thump extra hard with love, loyalty and guilt. She shouldn't have to be doing this, she should be outside playing tennis with her friends from school, not in a hospital for ages preparing and recovering from such a serious operation. I shouldn't ask her to do this. I can't ask her to do this.
"Cass, be real, do you want to do this? you were too young to properly remember the last time we turned to you for spare parts" I see my mum's lips tighten and her jaw clench, I choose to ignore her and continue " this is serious, it's not even 'safe surgery', you don't have to do this if you don't want to. I can cope with it" I reason but what Cassie says next will always send shivers down my spine
"Liv, your my big sister, but your also my best friend. I know you think I don't remember but I do, how can I forget? The blood, all that blood. Do you think I like watching you lie here, day after endless day, getting weaker and weaker, more and more depressed and more and more sick? Because I don't. It fucking sucks Liv, it sucks. You are taking my kidney" and with that last sentence said, she walks out of my room, slamming the door on her way out.
I look at my mum and my eyes fill with tears. She comes over and puts her arm around me, whispering soft, comforting words into my prominent ear. I know she wanted me to say that I want the surgery and that I'll do anything for life. But the truth is, I'm done. I'm ready to die but I can't tell her that simply because I what she'll say: she'll say that she's not ready to let me go yet.
YOU ARE READING
Reflection in the mirror
Teen FictionI'm Olivia, I'm dying. meet Olivia, her siblings and her parents, who are all preparing for one of the biggest fights of their lives. when Liv was diagnosed with cancer, there was no cure, but now, there is a treatment on the horizon but at a c...
