If This Is Love || Raura

2 | This Really Fucking Hurts

"Oh." I whisper, feeling my eyes water up. Pressure builds up in my chest, causing it to make it harder to breath the tighter it gets. Why does it hurt so bad?

"I'm sorry, bean." He whispers. "But I don't think Brianna would really like it if I slept in the same bed as another girl." He keeps his voice low, and with every word he speaks, my chest hurts a little more. What's going on? "I'm not trying to hurt you, I just... we need to stop being so friendly."

"So I just don't get you as a best friend anymore?" I ask, not daring to look up. I knew that the moment I lock eyes with him, I'd lose all control and cry in front of him.

"No, you're still my best friend, bean. You'll always be my best friend. It's just... we can't do the same things we use to. You can still come to me first, you can still tell me everything, the only thing that's changing if physical contact." He explains. It still hurts.

"How am I suppose to sleep?" I ask, closing my eyes completely. If I opened them, the tears I'm attempting to hold back would flow right out. "Ross, you help me sleep. How am I suppose to sleep if the one thing that actually gets me to sleep won't even let me be in his bed?"

"We're both going to have to look into that." He quietly says. "If you want, you can stay in here tonight with me. Just one last time." I don't say anything. This still really really hurts.

"I should go." I don't even know if those words came out of my mouth. I feel like someone just punched me in the stomach and the wind got knocked out of me, all while a knife is slowly dragging down and across my chest simultaneously, leaving me in nothing... just nothing.

"Oh." He replies. "Do you want me to walk you to your room?" He asks quietly. Shaking my head, I slowly move myself off Ross' bed and plant my feet on the ground, finally opening my eyes once my back was turned to Ross. "Night, bean. Love you." I couldn't bring myself to talk. "I hope you fall asleep." Weakly, I make my way back to my room, trying with every single inch of strength I had left to not let a single tear escape until I was alone in my bedroom. Shutting my bedroom door, I set my glasses on my nightstand, climb onto my bed sit up against my wall, grab my pillow, and let the rivers flow.

This really fucking hurts.

| The Next Morning |

I have never looked and felt more terrible in my life. I got zero sleep last night, like legit zero. Instead, I kept crying nonstop. Not like the loud obnoxious cries, but the silent cries where as hard as I tried to be loud scream, no sound came out. Nothing but tears. Thanks to my tears, my eyes were so puffy it looked like I got punched in the eyes without getting bruised up. Sad thing is, I couldn't do anything about it.

It was almost nine o'clock, I'm usually up and at it by 7:30 or 8:00, and the fucking band has business calls all afternoon, plus a late night writing session. I couldn't even put my fucking contacts in, that how bad it is. Groaning, I open my bedroom door dressed in baggy and a random sweatshirt that was too small for Rydel, and make my way to the kitchen to start my day off, even though I felt as shitty as ever.

"Holy fuck, Laura. Your eyes are so swollen." Rocky says, his own normal eyes wide. I brush off his comment and look around the kitchen, no Ross in sight. That's good. For now, at least...

"Why are they swollen, Laur?" Rydel asks me, handing me a blueberry bagel with cream cheese on it. I give her a small smile and stand beside Riker at the counter.