Inexplicable

16. Aiden

Tomorrow is the day of initiation for our grand plan.
Today is when we say goodbye, not literally, but whether they know it or not, this plan will take parts of each of us we will never get back.

The eight of us decided to have dinner together as a last hoorah. Maddox and I are cooking, with the few ingredients we actually have, in the kitchen while the rest of our crew wait and laugh in the sitting area. I see Sadie across the room smiling with all her perfect teeth and nudging Marly. I wonder what will happen to Sadie most of all. What form of toll will life take from her from this job. When she sees the children and what they've suffered through, when she has to kill? Will there still be that undying light in her eyes? Death and torture seem to bring out and drown the worst and best parts of ourselves. Today, there is no weight on her shoulders and I pray it stays that way for the rest of her life.
"Aiden!" I jump out of my thoughts and realize the chicken is beginning to burn.
I shrug. "Well, at least it won't be under cooked." I cut the simmering chicken into eighths.
"Give me that," Maddox says oddly gentle.
She lingers behind me and rests her chin on my  shoulder, cutting the meat, and making sure every part of her tattooed arm makes as much contact possible with mine. I laugh unsure of what to do. Before I can say anything, she starts talking.
"I used to cook with my mother when I was little. I was in the middle of a meal when they came for me." I thought it was only orphans they came after. She pauses to set the knife down, but still remains a breath away from me.
"Shoulda killed those bastards when I had the chance." She wraps her arm around mine, and I slightly tug away. Her hazel eyes like a predator looking at its quarry, framed with long, black lashes.
She whispers her next words.
"What do ya say we get out of here?"
I pull her arm off of me and begin to tell her I want nothing to do with her, but Sadie walks in. Her cheeks flush and she begins to back away.
"Sorry for interrupting," she says it with a bite that makes sure you know she is anything but sorry.
"Sadie, wait," I say to her back. I turn away from Sadie and look at Maddox, setting my priorities.
"Look," Trying my hardest not to sound like a douche.
"I'm not interested." Okay that didn't work out.
She steps back and looks dumbstruck, as if no one has ever told her that.
"Oh, but let me guess, you're interesting in that." She nods to where Sadie once stood.
"What are you talking about?"
She scoffs and says, "I may seem too forward for you, but at least I know what I want." She readjusts her posture and looks at me. "And I sure as hell am gonna get it." With that, she takes the plates on a tray and hands them to the crew.  I've thought more about Sadie in the past couple days than I have about any girl I've ever met. But distractions cause problems, and whatever I'm feeling cannot jeopardize everything all of us have worked for. I enter the sitting area and look for Sadie but she's no where to be found. Marly sits in Kräne's lap while playing cards with Rolland who periodically screams "This is rigged!" Daniel and Adrian sit close together while talking to Maddox. I smile. The world around us is falling apart. We're fugitives and we're one wrong move away from getting sick, and yet we find happiness in the smallest moments. I walk through a narrow hallway and knock on Sadie's wooden door. She opens it but her expression seems to drop at the sight of me.
"Can we talk?" She reluctantly opens the door wider gesturing for me to sit on her bed. I honestly don't know why I'm here, but I'm drawn to her in an inexplicable way. Somehow, I feel the need that I owe her an explanation. Only knowing her has made me question myself and my morals and it makes me wonder what being with her could do to me. I shrug off the feeling and sit down on the gray comforter, the mattress squeaking beneath me. She sits down a good distance away from me and waits for me speak.
"What you saw, it wasn't - it isn't anything," her eyes remain skeptical and maybe with a hint a jealousy. Maybe I'm imagining things.
"She's been...doing things like that, but I've told her I'm not interested in her." I set my jaw hoping that was enough of an explanation.
She tilts her head, something in her eyes has changed.
"Then who are you interested in?" Without thinking, I close the distance between us. And I kiss her. I kiss her with a fire I didn't know I had still burning. She kisses me back, one hand caressing my cheek and the other running through my hair. She reminds me of what it's like feel and what it's like to mean something. With every breath, the kisses shift into something deeper.
She makes me forget what darkness lingers within me.
Sadie has changed me. Every decision I make now, I have to think about what happens to her, how it affects her, and that is the scariest thing of all.