My Secret Life

5. Deep Dark Secret

With tears streaming down my cheeks, I sat frozen on my bed, Evie's comforting arms wrapped around me.

What the fuck was I thinking? I had been careful all this time, and now this...

What if I was pregnant? My parents would kill me! Especially as I would have to tell them about Jordan. It wasn't like I could be the next Immaculate Conception, giving birth to a miracle child... Oh, I suppose I could try that on my parents, they'd freaking love that.

'You might not even be... You know. Pregnant.' Evie murmured quietly as a silent sob wracked my chest. She looked into my eyes, to try and make me focus on her. I just stared back, not being able to mutter a word. 'Loads of people have unprotected sex and don't become pregnant... Maybe you aren't either.'

This flutter of hope made the sobs come to a slow stop, and I finally flicked my glassy gaze onto Evie's eyes. 'Yes,' I murmured.

'I'm here you,' Evie muttered fiercely into my ear. 'No matter what happens, I will never let you go through this alone.'

I hugged Evie tight, and whispered, 'Thank you.' Then we just held onto each other as the time passed on, and the tears slowly carried on sliding down my soaked cheeks.

What would I do if I was pregnant?

Tell my parents? Ha! That'll be fucking useless. I'd just get a shitload of 'disappointment' and 'you useless child', not including That Look from both of them; the look that makes me want to shrivel up and fall down the crack opening up beneath my feet. They wouldn't make me have an abortion - that's one of their strong Catholic values. But then I'd be a teen mum... Shit, I wasn't ready for that. Of course I wanted kids, but not now. Not yet. And the worse thing would be that my... my child... would grow up in this hell hole, with my parents rejecting them as their legitimate grandchild whilst controlling every aspect of their life in the process.

I wouldn't wish that kind of life on anyone.

Tell Jordan? That seemed like a good idea. The only option I had right now. But then, how exactly would that solve anything? What if he wanted me to get rid of it? Or keep it, even? I could keep it, and we could run away together, find a place to live and bring up our child without the hostility of my parents lingering around us. Then it occurred to me that Jordan might not want to run away - he's happy here: he has a good family, he has his friends... Why would he give that up to become a teen dad? I couldn't ask that much of him.

Tell no one? I could just keep this between Evie and I. I might not even be pregnant... If I wasn't, then everything will be okay - I could just carry on as normal. And if I was pregnant... Fuck knows. I had no clue of what I would do.

'What will I do?' I quietly exclaimed, desperately searching for an answer.

Evie took a deep breath, and made an attempt to smile. 'Firstly, I'll get a test for you,' Evie stopped, searching for the next thing to say, 'and then we'll figure it out from there.'

I sniffed and nodded, and as despair and dread ate up the last bit of energy I had, I fell into a restless sleep.

* * * * * * * * * *

When I woke a few hours later with a pounding in my head, the memories from last night brought tears into my sore eyes once again. I stayed in bed until Evie woke, contemplating the future.

'Hey,' my best friend mumbled sleepily. 'How are you feeling?'

Flicking my eyes to hers, I whispered, 'I don't know. Calm, but terrified.'

Evie rubbed my arm soothingly, and seemed to wake herself up completely. 'Okay, we are going to get this sorted today.' As I stared in confusion at her, she carried on, 'I will tell your parents you're not feeling well - dodgy food from yesterday - so you can stay here in bed. Then whilst they're at work, I'll buy a test for you.'

I breathed deeply and nodded. 'Thank you, Evie.'

Neither of my parents came to check on me after Evie told them I was 'sick' - they just took her word for it and left for work.

We waited a couple of minutes, just to make sure my parents were not coming back for anything, and then Evie left. She returned in moments with 3 tests. 'You'll have to do another one tomorrow, just to make sure.'

I nodded, took a deep breath and went into the bathroom. As I sat there, peeing on the little stick, a lone tear rolled down my cheek as I realised I was supposed to start my period today, but I hadn't.

Evie was sat outside the door, and she called out to ask if I was okay. I said yes, and just stared at the stick.

A couple of minutes rolled by, and I moved out of the bathroom to sit next to Evie, waiting for an indication of my future to show up on the stick.

Suddenly, that indication came.

Negative.

Evie wrapped her arms around me, but even though the test said I wasn't pregnant, I knew it was too early to tell anyway.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Evie tried to keep my mind distracted by putting on a range of movies, and even though the sight of Channing Tatum with his shirt off was, indeed, a beautiful distraction, it didn't work for long - my thoughts kept drifting to what could be growing inside of me. Subconsciously, my gaze moved down to my stomach, and I just stared for a while, my eyes stinging and my throat burning until Evie hugged me again, pulling me into the warmth and comfort that I needed.

My parents came home later on, and, surprisingly, allowed Evie to stay another night.

I woke in a daze again the next morning. My parents had already left for work, so as soon as Evie woke up, I went into the bathroom to use the other two tests. I noticed that I still hadn't started my period.

5 minutes passed by as I waited, just like yesterday, for an insight to my future.

And just like yesterday again, it came.

A sudden burst of tears exploded from my eyes, and sobs wracked through my chest. Evie, my dearest best friend, held me close as I clung to her.

Both tests showed up as positive.

I was pregnant.