hamilton trilogy - phan

'let this moment be the first chapter'

Summary: dan has a crisis about whether or not he will be a good father after they receive the confirmation letter that their adoption application has been accepted.

Word Count: 2.1k

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Trigger Warning: some swearing, a panic attack, talks of medical drug use, night terrors

Additional Tags: adoption, future, angst, anxiety

Author's Note: this is the first of three one-shots based on three songs from 'Hamilton: An American Musical', based on the song 'that would be enough'

Suddenly, he was awake. He knew he'd slept through till the late afternoon; the sun had set long ago, winter weather and all, and in it's absence was a hazy glow of the streetlights outside the window. Curled up on the living room sofa, he felt an abrupt loneliness in the room. He was sure that himself and Dan had fallen asleep on the sofa together, however the clear absence of a Dan shaped figure pointed otherwise.

Yet, if he had fallen asleep on his own, Dan would have draped a blanket over him, and normally, would have left the TV on chrome-cast to save electricity. He looked for his phone and glasses, finding the latter first underneath a cushion, his phone not far away either. He looked through his notifications, a few messages from friends, a snapchat or two from his Mum, and a missed facetime call from Martyn. Life as a 33 year old really was as fun as that. He made sure to note the time, and jumped up when he realized just how long he had slept for.

5:31pm

He was more awake now, the harsh brightness of his phone providing enough of a reaction for him to stand up and look around. The room was dark still, and except for the lights from outside and the dim light of the tv, he was in total darkness. He reached for the table, feeling slowly but surely around the room until his hands met the cold handle of the living room door. Slowly as to not wake up a possibly resting Dan, he pulled the door ajar and stepped into the corridor. The kitchen light had been left on and he could see much clearer now that his eyes were able to adjust to something rather than darkness.

He had walked down the corridor for only a moment when he heard it.

Somebody was crying.

Dan.

He dashed over to their bedroom. Being alone was definitely not one of Dan's best points, and to hear crying on a dark night when Phil had been asleep for so long? He was sure that Dan was in trouble. Slowly, he peered through the door, and his heart dropped to the bottom of his stomach.

Dan was sat at the side of their bed, his shoulder shaking as he cried. His hand was covering his mouth, and his eyes dashed from side to side as he read from a piece of paper in his hand. Tears spilled from his eyes and onto the letter below, but he didn't attempt to wipe them away – instead he continued to sit and read, and when he had finished he looked up and leaped into Phils arms.

Now red, blotched eyes faced him, his face tear stained and a dull red shade. Salty tears were falling down his face in mismatched streaks and dropping onto his shirt. The boy pulled away after a moment and began to smile, so wide and so beautifully that Phil began to become worried about whether Dan was happy, or sad, or both.

'Dan, what's going on?'

The younger took the letter from the bed and, with shaking hands, began to read:

'D..Dear the Lester-Howell family,'

Phil's face lit up with realization. 'Oh my god, Dan...I-'

'It is with my great gratification to tell you that, after long deliberation with the biological parents of the child we matched you with some months ago, we, the board of Child Welfare and Management, have decided to accept your application to adopt Ms. Matthews' child upon birth. We may need to meet with you regarding the future prospects and some final required assessments of your property and health checks, however this is simply mandatory and is in no way targeted at a certain race, ethnicity, or sexuality.. Many Thanks.'