my fault | justin + alex

chapter three

It was the eyes. Alex was looking at Justin with disapproving eyes that held disappointment. Alex had truthfully expected better from him, or at least hoped for better. Justin was a damaged, practically homeless, lonely jock but it didn't mean he couldn't do the right thing. Alex wanted Justin to do the right thing but Justin wasn't in a rush to lose the only thing he had left - Jess. Justin had already started losing her at this point but Alex couldn't find any pity inside him.

"Because she told the truth about me," he admitted as he reached Justin's eye level, stood rather close to him where he turned to face Justin again on his way to the door. They stood for a few moments, staring at each other intensely, but the eye contact broke when Alex felt a pain shoot through his stomach. The stress of the situation had been making it worse and as a reflex his arm covered and pressed on his stomach, it didn't help but he sometimes tricked himself into thinking it did.

The blonde had compassion, he felt bad that even Zach was distancing himself from Justin, but it was the boy's own fault. Alex would have had a lot more respect for him if he just told the truth.

All of his thoughts were clouded by the pain in his side but he tried to push through it and leave the room. Jess hadn't stood up to fuss over him this time and he knew he wouldn't get help from either of the boys in the room, especially Justin. It did surprise him when Justin took a slightly awkward and hesitant step closer. It wasn't to intimidate, more just to do the plain purpose of a step - to get closer.

"Don't you have some fucking medication or some shit?" Justin asked, the anger in his voice not disappearing but with Alex trying to focus on anything but the pain he did hear a hint of concern. Justin Foley concerned about him? That was almost laughable. Alex definitely wouldn't be holding his breath for the day Justin decided he cared about him. 

Justin was probably the most unlikely friend out of them all.

Alex pushed through the pain and shook his head at Justin's question. He turned, eyes locking with Zach's chocolate brown ones, and he left. Zach followed to give Jessica and Justin some alone time, as much as just wanting to make sure Alex didn't collapse from his stomach pain.

•••

The room was eerily quiet besides the hum of a monitor and the beep of a machine. He couldn't even hear Alex breathing, the only thing that resembled life on Alex's thin frame and pale face was the slight twitching of his eyelids that caused his eyelashes to move. It was by no means from a peaceful sleep or a dream he was having, the slight twitch was happening as nothing more than the body's response to everything it had gone through. Justin would have liked to kid himself some more about the severity of the situation, but even he wasn't stupid enough to lessen the extremity in his own mind because the truth was overpowering and painful no matter how much he wanted it to be different.

If this could all be a nightmare then that would be a miracle, but Justin had never really believed in miracles. A sob escaped his lips and he raised his hand to his face to wipe under his nose. Sometime between entering the room and now he'd started to cry again, the sort of ugly crying he could only associate with the time Seth choked him against the wall. There was nothing beautiful about cheeks wet with tears or eyes red from pain.

"Fuck you Alex," Justin managed to pathetically push past his lips, his hands starting to shake a little after he'd spoken. Part of him was worried Alex heard him and part of him hoped he had. Even Justin didn't know why he said it, he couldn't determine in his own flooded head whether it was 'fuck you for trying to kill yourself' or just 'fuck you for making me feel like this'. That was another thought too strenuous for this time, a thought he didn't want to come back to anytime soon.