my fault | justin + alex

chapter three

Everything inside of Justin's head told him to run. He didn't know if he could face what was behind that door, there was so much he didn't know and so much that he was afraid to find out. His body had other plans for him and his feet began moving into the room despite his negative thoughts. He thought one of the men outside would have came in with him at least, or a nurse, but when the door clicked shut only moments after he entered, he knew that wasn't going to happen. Justin was alone. Well, he wasn't completely alone, but the silence was overwhelming and he was as good as by himself. His eyes had taken far too long to actually rest on the motionless form on the bed but he finally brought himself to do it.

There he was.

Alex fucking Standall.

The thing was, Alex didn't look the same as Justin remembered or anything like he expected. Sure, he didn't expect bright blue eyes and a pink lipped smile, but he thought he'd see something familiar at least.

Truth be told, if it wasn't for the bleach blonde hair poking out from the bandages, or the recognisable cut on the boy's nose from his fight with Montgomery, then Justin wasn't sure he'd have recognised him at all. Unfortunately the boy laying in the bed was exactly who he was expecting; seeing him made the reality of the situation ten times worse even if how different he looked made Justin want to believe this wasn't Alex. It was, the painful reality was that this was Alex Standall and Justin didn't know why he felt so guilty about it.

Justin felt stupid for hoping he'd enter the room and receive a snarky comment or witty remark. He had silently wished for Alex to insult him about the state he was in, perhaps say something alone the lines of 'you look like shit'. Justin did look like shit with his red eyes, dark circles around them and tear stained cheeks but he didn't receive anything. As strange as the thought was, he'd have given anything to have Alex insult him right then or even give him that disapproving look he often had. Alex always used to have a look of disapproval in his eye, a look that Justin failed, yet tried, to change.

•••

"You're a funny guy Standall."

"No, you're funny Justin. With the 'let's end the little bastard', what is that about?" Alex asked with an incredulous tone. He couldn't believe him. What did Justin expect? Alex didn't care what happened to himself anymore, he had already riled up Montgomery to beat him up for no reason, so having Justin do something wasn't exactly a worry of his. Alex didn't know why he wanted that fight to happen, he just wanted to be punished for what he did. Justin couldn't expect him to just sit on his ass and let him terrorise Clay. In another life maybe Clay would be dating Hannah, Alex would be dating Jess and they'd be going on cliche double dates as best friends. It was bittersweet to think about, so very cliche, but he really wished it was a reality because anything would be better than the life he had now.

"It's about protecting ourselves," Justin argued, but he didn't really know why he cared so much. The only thing he was protecting himself from was losing Jess but he felt like he'd already lost her.

That's funny, Alex thought. 'Protecting ourselves', he thought.

"From what?" 

"From Hannah's lies!"

"Did she lie? 'Cause I'm really not sure," Alex paused, his eyes not once leaving the blue ones staring at him. He pushed himself up from his seat despite the pain in his stomach and he started walking towards the door. Zach was stood watching the interaction but he wasn't going to step in, he actually agreed with most of what Alex was saying but felt like he'd be betraying Justin to speak on Alex's side.