my fault | justin + alex

chapter one

Even though his better judgement told him not to go to school, Justin thought a bit of normality would be good in his life right now. He didn't have a family, a girlfriend or friends but somehow he dragged his depressed, lonely self to school. As he walked towards the building, his bag on his shoulder, he could hear the people he used to call friends talking loudly like nothing was wrong and like nothing had happened.

Yesterday Justin left behind the only person who was actually there for him and even though he hated the boy with every ounce of anger inside him, he was lost without him. There was no point in being on the school sports team anymore, not with Bryce still the star, and there was no point in coming to school and seeing Jessica happier without him. Justin didn't see any point in being here but he promised himself he'd give life one last chance before he took the gun in his bag and ended everything. One more hopeless chance at life, just like Hannah had, and Justin was almost positive his life would end the same way as hers. Instead of having people care like they did for Hannah, everyone would be glad to be rid of him including his mom.

"Hey! Justin!" the one voice that Justin didn't want to hear called out to him and with a swift movement into the front entrance of the school, he managed to escape. Justin didn't want to see or hear from Bryce, he thought he'd made that pretty clear when he left him in that alleyway the previous day.

It wasn't just Bryce that Justin had distanced himself from, it was everyone. In that respect it was somewhat his fault that he was alone, but could he really be blamed when all of his friends ditched him when he needed them the most? When Jessica and Bryce weren't answering his calls it was the blonde boy that took him in, not his friends. Alex and Justin never considered each other friends, not until Alex let Justin stay at his house a few days ago.

Justin felt his phone buzzing in his pocket, pulling it out and declining what was probably the tenth call he'd had from Zach from only this morning. It should have struck him as urgent when the number went into double digits, but he wasn't thinking. All Justin was thinking about was the weapon in his bag and how lonely he felt. He kept up a hard face but his tired eyes showed more emotion than he wanted them to. The brunette walked through the halls and towards his locker, glad he wasn't being bothered for now.

The halls filled with students when the first bell rang, Justin standing with his head hid behind his locker. Without any eyes on him he allowed his face to fall, his eyes watering just a little in the process, but then he slammed the locker shut in frustration at himself. An announcement sounded over the tannoy, Justin only half paying attention.

"Students must report to the gymnasium after the second bell rings for an emergency announcement, thank you."

Why was he even here? What was the point in even trying?

Justin had every intention of leaving but was stopped when he turned around and almost collided with Zach. "Where the fuck have you been?" Zach asked, his voice holding an accusing tone. Zach had searched for Justin since school ended yesterday and he wasn't in any of the places Zach could think of to look.

"What do you care?" Justin rolled his eyes and adjusted the strap of his bag over his shoulder. His eyes were still slightly glassy but he sucked in a breath through his nose while straightening his posture and standing tall. He wasn't as tall as Zach but he wasn't going to look weak in front of someone who he wouldn't consider much of a friend anymore. To put things simply, Justin was homeless. He couldn't go to Bryce's and he couldn't stay with Jessica, Zach never picked up his phone anymore and Justin hated asking for favours from people who didn't owe him.

His eyes glanced over to the locker he knew belonged to Alex but there was no one there, maybe the blonde wasn't in school today. Things had gotten too much for a lot of people recently, which was the reason why Justin thought Jessica and Alex weren't at school. His assumption was right for both but for the bleach blonde haired boy it was a lot more extreme than things just being 'too much'.