Real Is Unreal

Chapter 3

That night as I lay in my cozy bed, under the covers, pondering over the irrationality of the universe, my mom entered in my room. She sat on the dusty sofa chair in my room and dragged her hand over her face which was devoid of make-up now. She took a deep breath and sighed. I tried to keep my breathing steady so that she wouldn't know I'm awake. My mother started to speak,
"Hi honey, it's been a while. Gosh, I miss you so much. I thought if I kept myself busy, I wouldn't feel the pain. Or as time went by, it would fade away. But nothing happened."
I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of my mother's mouth.

"Since you've left, there's this large gaping hole in our lives that has completely consumed us. We can't seem to fill it." She continued and sighed.
"We're unable to hold ourselves together baby, its so hard! On some days the pain is so unbearable, that it seems impossible! It's like there's no reason left to live..." She trailed off and sniffed. My mother was crying?
"Nothing's the same now darling. Your father and I have gone back to being strangers. Because whenever we look at each other, we just see you. Now, we can't even as much as look at each other." Her voice quavered. I could almost feel the tears falling from her eyes. There was a long pause, which I assume my mother took to compose herself.

"We-" she paused for a moment, then began again, "We have decided to take a divorce." And then she got up and ran out of the room. I bolted upright, panting. What I just heard...did it actually happen? Am I dreaming?
I pinched myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I got up from my bed, unable to sleep, and started pacing in my room.

I couldn't grasp what she meant by all those things she said about me leaving, the pain, the hole etc. I even thought I was going insane. Did my parents just decide to separate? What about me, did they think that? These thoughts were giving me a headache! I couldn't stay in here for long, I was suffocating. I put some of my stuff in a duffel bag and left the house. I will stay at Maria's for a few days and sort through this quagmire.