A Beautiful and Terrible Truth

Chapter 18

“Honey,” came my mother’s voice as I was pulling clothes out of my drawers. “I know that I haven’t been there for you since…” she paused and gulped, looking as if she might cry. “I’ve never really been there for you, have I? I’m such a poor excuse for a mother.”

I shook my head and threw the clothes into my trunk. I quickly closed the distance between us and put my arms around my mother, something that I hadn’t done for a long time. She automatically put her arms around my middle and clung tight. I kissed the top of her head and sighed.

“You have done the best you can with what you’ve been given,” I whispered into her hair. “You are not a horrible mother.”

“But I am,” she sobbed into my chest. “I stayed with your father even after he hit you.”

“It was because of the alcohol that –“

She shook her head. “That might have been, but once he picked up the bottle, I should’ve left him. It only starting with smacks but it grew into something more. He stayed loyal. He stayed loyal and now look at you,” she pulled away and lifted her hand to my cheek. “You’re broken.”

“Mum, I’ll be-“

 “Okay?” she finished the sentence for me. “How will you be okay? You have a terrible mother, an even worse father, a man who is controlling your life, and a dead love. You’re broken, Draco, and I could’ve stopped it all.”

“Mum, listen-“

“I could’ve stopped all of this. Not only would I have saved your life,” she caressed my cheek in her cold hand, tears streaking her face. “I could’ve saved Courtney.”

“Mum, Courtney-“

“Was the most important person in your life. I know that,” her voice cracked as she pulled away from me and look at the floor. “She had always been the most important person to you. I saw if from the first day you saw her and especially after you started your sixth year. She’s the girl you were destined to marry.”

I sighed. “Mum, I’ll-“

“Marry someone else? Find someone else?” she shook her head. “Courtney was one in a million. She is – was – the only person that could fully understand you, and she’s gone. Not even I can understand you, Draco. I can’t even make you happy. She did.”

“Mum, she’s not dead!” I finally screamed, my voiced cracking terribly.

“What did you just say?” she asked, looking up into my eyes.

“She’s not dead. She’s alive, mum.”

She shook her head. “Bella said-“

“Bellatrix lied, mum! Merlin’s beard, your sister has always lied to you, mum. You just haven’t seen it yet. She’s crazy, a lunatic. Her only goal is to please Him. Her loyalty is not to you anymore. It’s not even for Uncle Radolphus. It’s for You-know-you, and you know it,” I spat causing her to wince. “I’m sorry, mum, but somebody had to tell you.”

She nodded. “I know, son. I know that my sister has changed and not for the better. I still love her though and believe that her old self is down there somewhere. But perhaps…perhaps she’s actually gone. The old Bella would’ve never lied about death.”

I nodded. “I believe she’s buried deep, deep inside as well. It might take years to get her to dug up, but if anyone can fix her, it would be you, mum.”

She sighed. “But I can’t fix my own son.”

“I love you, mum, but it’s not your job to fix me. It’s not your fault. I’ll be okay. I promise.”

“I know you’ll be just fine with  Severus for the next several months. You are strong, Draco. Just believe in yourself,” she hugged me again before leaving me to finish packing.

I was half expecting my father to stroll into my room and say something, but he never showed. Just goes to show that he never loved me. Not even after I vied for his attention so much. Practically everything I did was for him or about him. I knew that he could fix anything, which was why I always said ‘Wait until my father hears about this!’ I finished packing fairly quickly before Snape came back into my room.

“Blaise is about to leave,” he announced, waving his wand and my trunk disappeared. “Let’s go say goodbye, shall we?”

As I shook my best mate’s hand and wished him luck, I wondered when the next time I would see him would be. I sure hoped that it wasn’t long and that he wouldn’t be too broken, but he’s always been the stronger one out of the both of us. He always had something to say and never crumbled. I was the opposite, but with Courtney, I believed in myself just like he did. I knew deep down that I could be like him. I could be strong and wise beyond my years just like Blaise Zambini just like I always wanted to. 

A/N: Sorry for such a long wait! I've been swimming in homework, two jobs, and boy problems. (Any of which you already know because of my messages :P) This is a very important chapter! Very important to Draco! The song on the side is perfect for this chapter! Because that's exactly what Draco is, a soldier. 

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