EMBROIL [BOOK ONE]

Title 6: Relapse

                                                                         ~ Published April 2, 2017 ~

Can a person wake up not feeling anything? My eyes opened slowly as they adjusted to the light. Why was I so cold? I sat up ready to go into my washroom but noticed that I stayed out on the old shitty couch I landed on last night. Fully sitting up, all my joints in my body decided to crack. It didn't help that I stayed out in the middle of winter having no coat, no bag, and no phone. Rubbing my arms trying to warm myself up caused me to flinch. Looking at my wrist I noticed dried blood scattered down to my elbow. I could feel a panic attack rising in my chest. I tried to rub some off but it already stained my skin. If it wasn't for my loud hiccup I wouldn't have noticed I was crying. Standing up wrapping my arms around myself I began to make my way home. I was clean for two years and one little thing set me off. Fuck! I can't go back to my old habits. Staring down at my cut again I saw that it was deep. So deep that it hasn't fully clotted yet, I was lucky that I didn't bleed out. With all the alcohol in my system it clouded my judgement. The snow was crunching with each step that I took. I was fucking freezing all I had on was my long sleeve shirt, skinny jeans, and my infamous blue converse. I was slowly sending myself in total destruction and I had nobody to help me. Ian was there the first time I did this and I promised him I wouldn't fall into it again. This is a big fuck you to him and I won't allow myself to drag him down. 

Looking up I noticed that I was just around the corner of my block. I must have been so self absorb in my thoughts that I unconsciously made it home. My skin had this pins and needles feeling and my lips felt chapped. I'm sure that I caught pneumonia with the sound of my cough. I was preparing a plan to break into my own house since I left everything at Fiona's. I saw a certain red head standing on my porch. I was ready to make a run for it but it was too late he saw me. His eyes widen at my current state as he stood nervously by the front door. Noticing my belonging in his arms. I walked up to him and snatched my bag from his hand and looked for my keys. Once I found them I opened my door with Ian following close behind me. 

He put my other stuff on the arm of my couch as he watched me walk towards my kitchen. I turned my stove on and placed my hands by the heat, "Where have you been?"

I was not in the mood for this, "Out." My voice came out in a soft sound from under my breath. 

Unsatisfied with my answer he took his coat off and threw it on the couch as he walked towards me. Grabbing me by my elbow he spun me around as he started checking me out. He took my face in his hands and looked me over for who knows what?

"Get off of me." I shoved him back and pulled my sleeves down to avoid him catching the dry blood. I was too late.

His eyes narrowed at my sleeve which had some blood on the edge of my cuff, "What is that?"

I pull my sleeve down more and crossed my arms in front of my chest.

He reached behind me and turned the stove off, "Show me."

"It's just dirt, I stayed out last night. I was drunk and passed out under the tracks." It was kind of scary that I could lie straight to his face, "Where is Mickey? Shouldn't you be with him?"

You could see his chest puff up and his face changed to something darker. In a quick instant he grabbed my wrist as he tried to pull my sleeve up.

I felt hot because his fingers wrapped themselves right on my cut, "Let go of me Ian!" 

He was on a mission. He still had a grip on my wrist and I couldn't handle the pain. So I shoved him as hard as I could as he stumbled back. I grabbed my wrist to put some pressure and my world felt like it crumble apart the second I saw my blood on his hand.