Dear diary,
I knwo I'm not perfect.I know my body isn't pretty and I know my friends are prettier than me.I know I'm the youngest out of two children and that my brother doesn't live with us anymore.I know my dad is in another country married to another lady and already has kids.I know that.
I just don't know why it had to happen to me....
It's 10:48pm and I'm laying in my bed with tears in my eyes as my mom isolated herself in a room after an intense argument we had.It's common.
She screams at me....I scream at her...
I'm 16,going into 17 in a few months.
I don't want to go to school anymore.
All I do with my life is soccer,but I don't have support from my family.My cousin is the soccer star.Everyone looks at her since she scores much more goals than I do.
"How many goals did you score?" My family asks me after every game."None.I'm a defense." Then it appears.The disappointed,unamused expression in their face."Oh," is all they say back.
I get up every morning and go to school and walk to my friends that make me feel bad many times."You already ate a lot!"
"Did you put on my warm ups by mistake? Ugh now they're gona be super big on me!"
"Sorry.I got confused," Is all i can say.
"this fits you?! This looks about my size I don't think it fits you." my friends say as they look at my wardrobe.
"I was with my boyfriend last night."
I listen as I have nothing else to do.I don't have a boyfriend.Don't really need one ,but it does feel....sad when you see a cute guy ,but he looks in the direction of your friends instead of you.
My moms keeps insisting that I will never get a career out of playing soccer."How comeyour coach takes your cousin here and not you? Are you not good enough?"
No.I'm not mom.But i love the sport.Even if my teams secretly hates me.
I see the looks they give me.I get the hints they throw when we make teams and they choose everyone,but me.Whenever I try to get in a conversation with them they turn around and pretend I never started saying anything.
I'm getting tired.They seem like stupid little things,but you can never know how bad a situation is unless you live it.You don't know how I feel.I don't know how you feel.All I know is I'm here for you.I want to make you feel beautiful and valuable.Maybe that way atleast one of us can survive.If i don't get to....atleast you will
04/01/17
11:00pm
I'm worthless.
