Brave

Trolls in the Castle

“The hell’s his problem?” one of her brothers had asked.

Edna turned back to me. “Is something…with…you? …little dazed….”

I gazed into Edna’s eyes. She had become even more beautiful. Ah, I remember seeing her green eyes aglow with passion…well, perhaps a bit of concern, but mostly passion. I remember embracing her, telling her how much I loved her, and then….

To be honest, I don’t recall much after that.

When I woke up, I felt strangely empty. The joy the mushrooms had filled me with had long deserted me, and I sat in the dark, feeling quite alone. I didn’t recognize the room when I woke up, either. There were fleshy remains of gods-know-what and skulls scattered about, like the mouse droppings back in my home. The bed they had lain me down upon was merely a flat rock with a crudely stitched tiger skin for a blanket, so you can imagine how much my bad back appreciated that. Perhaps they had lain me down in one of the bear’s rooms, I thought.

I craved another mushroom, hoping it would lift my spirits, and I knew Edna could bring me more. Sweet little Edna…I called out to her.

I heard the reply behind me, soft as a breeze. “Good morning, pigeon pie.”

I turned around, and…you know the rest.

“I warned you about the mushrooms,” she said. “You’ve been unconscious all night. You have to start getting ready now. You don’t want to be late to your own wedding, do you?”

“W-where is Edna?” I managed to say.

“Stop fooling around,” she said. “If you keep laying in bed, Mother will blame me. She already blames me for your little mushroom feast, even though I told you not to do it. Hurry up.”

Oh, I’ll hurry up, all right. I had a vague escape plan stirring in my mind: wait until she isn’t looking, then run. It might not have been epic-worthy, but let’s face it, it isn’t easy to think when you’re talking to someone who looked like they might eat you.

“Fix your hair, dear, or she’ll complain about that, too,” she said. How could something so hideous have such a beautiful voice? She was definitely Edna, though I could have sworn she had been much prettier than that…thing. I would have asked, “How did you become so hideous?”, but my boldness failed me, and I could only manage, “You look…different.”

She beamed. Her teeth were grey from rings of plaque around her gums. I should have been awarded a medal for not vomiting. “Thanks, sweetie. I trimmed my hair a bit, can you tell?”

“Edna!”

I remembered a deer with that same husky voice from the day before, but I can assure you, what I saw next was most certainly not a deer. It was another troll, even bigger than Edna, and twice as hideous. In the dark, the warts on her face almost resembled a toad’s back, and the grease in her hair looked twice as slimy. A deer’s scalp had been fashioned into a hat, though obviously not well enough, for there were strings of flesh dangling all around it. The only thing that remained the same was the red gown.

“Finally, he’s up. Why isn’t he outside?”

“He’s getting ready, Mother, be patient, he just woke up.”

“I’ll be dead before the wedding starts!” She glared at me, her red eyes burning. I could only manage a tiny squeak. “Hurry up!”

She left, thank the gods. Edna started to follow her. She paused by the exit. “I’ll give you some time, but please hurry. You’ve seen how she gets.”

“Erm…yes,” I said.

The wedding hadn’t even started, and I was already getting nagged.

I forced myself to walk outside, calmly. It was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. Sure, in the tales I’m always fearless, but any Amiran child who would have seen me then would have been sorely disappointed. Adrian the Brave would have killed everything in sight and laughed about it later. The real Adrian, sadly, could only boast of keeping his bladder from bursting.

If they were trying to set up a wedding, they were going about it all wrong. I had never attended one myself, but I was fairly sure they did not involve a roaring bonfire or dead frogs speared on tree branches. The cake, assuming that was what they were going for, was merely a giant pile of mud slapped on a split log. At least there were drinks. Who knows what they were made from, but judging by the reactions of the drinkers, they were definitely spirited.

If you were wondering where the bears and dancing skunks had run off to, you would have been as disappointed as I was. Giant, hairy trolls and little trollings, half as furry but just as hideous, hurried around the clearing instead. The little bunny princess and the pigeon were trolls as well; one was decked in soft furs, the other in feathers.

Speaking of bunnies…

I immediately thought of Lackwit. Oh, he most likely hated me, but he was my only hope. I snuck by, quite pleased with myself. I really thought I was going to do it, just leave without drawing any attention. I pulled the curtain back and slipped through, and slammed directly into one of the trolls.

He had been the bear who had threatened me the day before, no doubt. He had the same scars, the same freakish build, and the same growl. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Think, think, think. “Mushrooms. Red mushrooms. For Edna.”

He frowned and scratched his head. Quick as a serpent, he drew the curtain open. “Ma!”

“No, it’s a surprise,” I said quickly. “She…your mother…she wanted me to get them, so…Edna could have them.” I swear, I’m usually wittier than that. If you think you would have fared better than I did, go find yourself a troll. “She wanted it to be a secret. You don’t want to upset your mother, do you?”

Ah, I’d struck something there. “Never mind, Ma!” He turned to me again, big burly mountain that he was, and growled, “Five minutes. That’s it.”

“That isn’t nearly enough time!” I said.

He brought his face up to mine. I backed up until I was pressed against the tree. “I said five minutes.”

I didn’t argue after that.