Think a Happy Thought

Chapter 1

Moira's journal entry, 7 August, 2014.

Childhood? Remember when childhood was something we all wished to grow out of? We wished for it so that we could go to bed whenever we wanted or eat as many chocolates as we could before dinner and then still have dessert. But what happened when we grew up? We still go to bed before 10:00 pm and we still eat our dinner before dessert - if there is any dessert at all because after a long day, there is just no energy left to make that peppermint crisp pie. This is my life now. I have finished my studies and started working as a pharmacist about 3 months ago. I have an apartment and a wonderful boyfriend, yet I still feel trapped in some form of childhood - not my own however. We all know who is still a child and who's fault it is.

Moira closed her journal and sat at the small kitchen table. The kitchen itself was very small and it made Moira feel like a giant in her own home. It's only been a few months inside her new home, where she lives with her boyfriend, Jim. Jim knows what she has been through and he has been the best support anyone could ever ask for. To Moira's left was the fridge, and inside, she knew it contained a tub of chocolate ice cream. It was either that, or a cigarette. Moira had been a smoker most of her life after her parents died. Luckily they were very well off financially. That was one thing less to worry about, but finances had been the least of her worries for a very long time. Moira had not lit up in two weeks and she was doing very well, but the cravings were still there. She could smell the tobacco from the Chesterfields lying at the edge of the table. It had a sickly sweet smell, like cake that had been forgotten in the pantry for far too long. She just needed that one puff, but she also knew that if she had that puff, she would finish the cigarette. She had to stop completely this time, for him.

"Couldn't sleep, huh?" asked Jim.

Moira's stomach jumped a little. She didn't see Jim standing in the kitchen doorway.

Moira sighed and ran her hand through her fringe, "No. I decided to write and thought downstairs would do. Didn't want to wake you."

Jim smiled and winked both eyes the way a cat does when it purrs. Jim always smiled like that at Moira. It was his genuine smile. It was usually accompanied by a soft and low "hmm". Moira remembered how she started recognizing that smile and soft hum. She even commented on it several times, only to see Jim blush and respond with his usual response of closed eyes and "hmm," sending her into a fit of the giggles. Sometimes she found herself doing the same thing.

"Please, my darling," Jim said non-nonchalantly, "You know you can just write in bed; it won't wake me."

Moira slowly sat up from being hunched over and rested her arm on the chair residing next to her, "I know, but I am considerate and I try to be nice."

Jim giggled as he walked over to Moira. She looked up at him as his hand reached around her neck and slid towards her chin, lifting it to his and landing a soft peck on her lips, "You're too nice."

Jim was right, of course. Moira could be considered "too nice". Someone would steal her parking space and she would calmly search for another; someone would push in front of her in a queue and she would apologize for being in the way; someone would treat her unfairly and she would forgive them. The only person she struggled being nice to was herself.

Moira's eyes reflected in Jim's as he took her hand, "Come on, off to bed with you. A sleepy Moira is a grumpy Moira," teased Jim.

Moira's eyes suddenly flashed with playful anger, "And grumpy Moira will perhaps forget to make you coffee tomorrow morning."

Jim playfully gasped and clasped his chest as if he just got punched, "What ever happened to being nice?"

"I am nice! Don't you dare guilt trip me, young man," she warned motherly.

Jim started whimpering and trying to make puppy eyes, not very successfully. He usually ended up looking like Gollum that lost his Precious. It would, however, make Moira stifle a laugh.

"Come on, enough of that. We need to get some rest. We do have a long day ahead of us tomorrow," Moira stated.

The playfulness suddenly ceased from their eyes, like when someone walks out the room and switches off the light, leaving you in the dark - forgetting you were even there. Moira dreaded this day every year. It has never gotten any easier and this was going to be the first time that Jim would come along. She was not so sure how he would handle it or even if he could handle it. They both were going to find out, soon enough, but that "soon enough" surely was taking its sweet time.