The Marauders: Year Six #Wattys2017

You Used to Be Darling

Remus raised an eyebrow, "You sound rather jealous."

"I'm jealous for you," James explained.

Remus said, "Or jealous of him."

"I'm over Evans," James said, shaking his head, "I'm with Carly now." He stared at Sirius and Lily for a long moment then, "It's just annoying. I mean why is he always calling her kitten and darling? Like what the hell even is he doing?"

"Maybe you're jealous of Evans," Peter suggested, "After all, you used to be darling."

"Only on every other Tuesday and Bank Holidays," James murmured.

Remus smirked down into the textbook he was reading.

James went to Hogsmeade with Carly that weekend.

So Lily went with Sirius and Remus and Peter to the Three Broomsticks. She bought them each a butterbeer and got into a discussion with Remus about the subject of the history of St. Nicholas and Christmas stockings while Sirius yawned and asked Peter what his Christmas plans were.

"I think I'll stay at the castle this year," Peter said, staring at the plate of chips he had ordered before him. He dipped a couple in ketchup and chewed them quietly.

Sirius detected a sort of melancholy about his fat little mate and he watched Peter for a moment, then asked, "Why? Doesn't your mum want you home for the holiday? What about all the food you always brag on about at Christmas?"

Peter stared at the chips, "Mum says she's not going to do a big to-do of Christmas this year. She's thinking on going to my grandmother's." He paused. "Dad's going on a business trip. Leaves this week. I think it was to Romania to inspect the dragon academy there or something of that sort... Christmas isn't the same since Maggie..." he paused. Then, "Dunno, just think perhaps it'll be more cheerful staying at the school this year. I've never pulled crackers with Dumbledore like the rest of you have and I reckon it sounds pretty fantastic."

Sirius didn't know what to say.

Peter looked up, "You're going with James and Remus back to the Lupins to be with the Potters aren't you?"

"Yeah, probably," Sirius answered.

Sirius bought an extra large Honeydukes bar to give to Peter for Christmas while they were at the candy shoppe that afternoon, and three packs of Sugar Mice as well. He'd never felt bad for the little Rat before but something about the way Peter's eyes had moistened when he spoke about his broken little family had broken Sirius's heart and for the first time, he sort of saw Peter Pettigrew differently.

"He's been so quiet about it, but I reckon he's actually rather heartbroken," Sirius said in a low tone to Remus later that night as they sat together in the Trophy Room Passageway, having secured it as theirs before James could drag Carly down there. They were snuggled up together on the couch beneath a blanket, just talking in the afterglow of other activities, and Sirius was had his cheek and palm pressed against Remus's chest, stroking his fingers along the lines of the scars that striped him. "I feel really bad for him."

Remus sighed. "Yeah." He ran his palm over Sirius's shoulder.

Sirius breathed in Remus's scent. "I know what it's like not having a family. I mean, I remember it very well. And it hurts like hell."

Remus nodded, "I know."

"You've got Newt Scamander, when he's about, and Tina and Ned Veigler. You have them the same as I have the Potters. Who's Pete got?" Sirius asked, and his voice cracked a bit.

"His mum loves him still, it's just really hard getting over the loss of a child," Remus replied. "They say it's common for marriages to fall apart in the wake of it. I reckon that's what's happened to the Pettigrews."

"Yeah," Sirius murmured.

Remus sighed, his fingers tracing the John Lennon lyrics wrapping about Sirius's bicep. "Nobody should have to go through the pain of losing something so precious as a child."

They were silent for a long moment as Remus's fingertip ran over the word imagine over and over.

"Do you reckon you want children one day?" Sirius asked quietly.

Remus pictured the sound of little voices calling daddy and meaning him and he pictured tiny fingers and toes. He pictured the giggle of little girls and the way kids love to show off their skills and their little smiles when you praised them.... Really, he was thinking of the times he'd baby sat Nymphadora Tonks and how sweet she was and how he'd love to have a child that was like her that was his very own. He pictured a tiny human that needed him, that was a part of him, and his heart yearned for the feeling of a little hand wrapping about his fingers to hold on. Remus said, "I do." He paused. "Do you?"

Sirius hesitated. He pictured all the drool and the crying and screaming and the mess - the toys he could step on and the the stink of the diapers that would need changing. "Dunno. I suppose I'd like my own more than I like other people's, you reckon?"

"Yeah," Remus said. "Probably."

"Then I suppose I could deal with having some."

Remus was quiet.

"Remus?" Sirius asked into the dark.

"Yes?"

"I just want to make you happy."

"You do make me happy, Sirius. Very happy."

Sirius said, "You're sure?"

"Very sure, Sirius."

"Alright."

And Remus fell asleep holding Sirius extra close because he wanted to be sure that Sirius knew how happy he felt when he was close to him like this.