Circle of Fear

Since I've Been Loving You

We drove back home in silence. "Well, I made $600 for playing tonight." I told her when we walked inside, putting the cash on the table.

"That's great, Ash." She said happily. That will pay some bills and get us by for a while, when added to her steady income.

I was coming down from my high – and this was the part I hated the most. I sat on the cold tile in the bathroom, leaned over the toilet.

I was pretty much only dry heaving at this point. I've been sick for so long that I puked up the last bile left at the bottom of my stomach hours ago.

I spit into the toilet, tears falling down my numb face. I was breathing heavily. Shanna took away my kit and kept all my cash.

I had no way to get my fix that I needed so badly. A few hours later, I still lay on the bathroom floor, half naked and shaking violently.

My whole body hurt – it felt like I was being stabbed through every inch of my flesh. I couldn't cry out. My throat was so sore from all the puking earlier. Eventually, sleep consumed me.

- - - - -

I woke up in a really bright room. It took me a while to open my eyes fully. When I did I looked around.

I was in an all white room with a small TV mounted to the wall. I tried to stand up but something held my arm back.

I looked down and saw an IV sticking from my arm. I sat back against the pillows again and groaned loudly.

"Fuuuuck!" I yelled. Shanna stuck me in the fucking hospital knowing I have no insurance and can't afford these bills.

I ripped the IV from my arm and stood up from the bed. I fell to the floor but eventually picked myself up and limped into the bathroom. I saw my old clothes folded up in the small nook they would call a closet.

"Jackpot." I said. I put my clothes on and splashed water on my face. I opened my door and peeked down the hallway. No one seemed to be around so I walked out casually and made my way to the exit.

Thankfully I made it without any questions. Now, which fucking hospital am I at? I turned around and looked up 'University of Iowa Hospital'.

"Hell yeah, still in Iowa City." I spoke to myself. I wrapped my arms around my small body and sighed.

I had to walk home. I had no phone, no cash and no ID for anything I'd need. Right now, I really need a needle and smack. I walked down the street, scratching at my arms and talking to myself.
"Is it really paranoia or is somebody after me?"

I made it home and stumbled into the house. "Shanna!" I called out. She emerged from the hallway looking surprised.

"Ashlee! What are you going? Are you okay? How did you get here?" She bombarded me as she hugged me.

"Look. I'll explain but I need junk. Now." I told her, still scratching my arms. She looked down at me and then looked away in deep thought.

"If you don't give me what I need, bad things will happen. Do you want that?" I asked her, raising my voice.

She flinched at my change in tone. She nodded and walked off. She returned with my box and wallet. I opened both, seeing them completely untouched.

"Oh, Shanna, my baby girl. You're the fucking best. I love ya!" I said and kissed her quickly. I ran with my things to my room and had my fix.

Minutes later, I felt awful. This isn't the sweet relief I had been waiting for. My chest hurt extremely bad and I couldn't stand up or move. My brain felt foggy and I fell asleep before I could even remove the needle from my arm.