Circle of Fear

Down In A Hole & I Don't Know If I Can Be Saved

He was asking so many questions and I didn't know how to answer. Chris finally told him to shut the fuck up and he did.

I sighed. "First, I'm not leaving you." I started, looking at Corey in the eyes and his expression softened.
"Second, I don't know how to answer that- but yes, you make me happier than I've been in a long time." I said and glanced over to Sid who looked extremely uncomfortable.

"And I'm not trying to get away from you, Cor. I just- I've been here all of my life. I've lived in one bedroom for too long. I need a place to call my own. I can't keep mooching off of you forever." I said shakily.

"Well why didn't you talk to me about this? We could have been looking for a place together." Corey said softly. My head snapped up at him in surprise, as did Sid's.

"What- what do you mean?" I asked him, afraid of hearing the answer.

"I'm trying to say I love you, Ashlee. I don't ever want to lose you. I want you with me forever. If you want to move out of my Gram's place then fine. But don't leave me behind." He said, standing up and walking over to me and taking my hands into his. I couldn't look into his eyes.

He said everything I've ever wanted to hear but I'm still sad. Sad because he's not the one I needed to hear it from.

After a moment of me not saying anything he growled and dropped my hands. He stormed out of the room and I still sat in the same position staring at the wall.

Craig actually spoke up. "Ash, you may wanna go after him. I know that's a lot to take in but he just spilled his whole heart out to you, dude." I looked at him and the others.

Everyone had their eyes on me. Sid had tears running down his face which made me squeeze my eyes shut and look over at Craig.

"I can't. H- he's not the one that my heart belongs to. And I can't lie to him about that." I whispered. I heard different reactions from everyone.

Sid was the one to speak up this time. "Then. You need to- to tell him that." He stammered out.

I didn't look over at him - I didn't dare do that again. I stood up and left the room. I looked everywhere for Corey. Finally, I found him outside.

"Corey?" I called as I approached him. "I-I love you too." I said and pulled him into an embrace. He hugged me back tightly.

"I just- I'm not in love with you and I refuse lie to you about this." I said and he pulled away from me. "I told you that a long time ago."

I finished, and he nodded. He grabbed my hand and led us back inside. Everyone immediately stopped what they were saying in their conversations.

My eyes fell on Sid when we entered the room and his gaze went down to mine and Corey's hands together.

"So, we all good and sappy now?" Shawn asked sarcastically. I let go of Corey's hand and took my original seat back.
"Well, the plan is the same. I'll be moving within the next few months." I said.

Everyone looked to Corey who only nodded with a distinct frown on his face. He was gritting his teeth together and trying to keep his cool.

"Back to what we're all doing now. We're here to get some footage put together for a new DVD?" I asked, changing the topic.

I picked up my camera and waved it around. I tried to smile to the guys and move on to business. Mainly Shawn, Corey and I put everything together for it.

We used a lot of footage from their previous Iowa tour. We also included all of the music videos and a few other songs as audio only. The new DVD was released as 'Disasterpieces' a few weeks later.