Tongue Tied

Chapter 27

I could feel Alec's ocean orbs staring holes through my body. I had my back to him, making coffee while he sat on the couch in silence. He had yet to give me an answer.

"Uh... I... Why don't we talk about it over coffee?" Alec had muttered on top of me. I took that as his way of avoiding the conversation for another fifteen minutes. But if making coffee was the way to get him to explain himself, I didn't mind.

"The Ravens had a great game today." I tried to strike up a conversation while I waited for the coffee maker to go through the motions.

"Yeah." Alec mumbled. He looked like he was staring off into space. "We watched it at the house."

I gave up trying to talk until I had two full coffee mugs and was handing one to him. He set it on the end table while I made myself comfortable, flopping down sideways on the couch and slinging my legs over his lap. I sipped at the steaming liquid, waiting for him to speak.

"Well." He finally turned his attention to me. "Have I fucked everything up between us?"

I frowned. "Why would you say that?"

"Because we had an agreement. No strings attached. No love. Just fun," he said. "Here I am talking about mushy feelings."

I breathed a laugh into my mug but an emotional chord was struck when Alec uttered the word love. This wasn't fair. Friends with benefits were supposed to be just that. We never intended to let things go further. Our emotions were never supposed to be involved. How had we allowed this to happen?

"Alec..."

"I don't know what I'm doing, Bree. I don't know what this is between us."

His eyes were locked on mine in a level of seriousness I'd only seen from him before when he was heated about work. This wasn't anger though. This was concern. This was confusion. He was intimidated by his own emotions.

I scooted closer to him, reaching across his torso to set my mug beside his. I could feel his body stiffen at my touch. Not even twenty minutes ago, we were all over each other in the floor. He was happy. I was happy. We were laughing and kissing. Why did I have to go and fuck it up with questions? I should've taken a hint that he didn't want to talk about it and kept my mouth shut.

"How long have you felt this way?" I asked. "The mushy stomach thing, I mean."

He swallowed, averting my gaze. "Awhile..."

How long was awhile? We'd only been fuck buddies for six months.

I got the sense that he felt crowded and I scooted away again, back to my original spot against the arm of the couch. Alec stared at the wall with such a consequential expression, I half expected it to catch fire.

"It's just that..." he spoke again. "I'm not... Well, you know me, Bree. I've never been the love and romance type of guy. It's kind of hard for me to, I guess, face my feelings."

I nodded. I knew Alec wasn't into relationships. He never had been, even when he'd had girlfriends. His heart had never been in it.

Maybe he just hadn't met the right woman yet.

"God. I sound like such an asshole," he mumbled, resting his forehead against his palm.

I inched closer again and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. His muscles softly flexed under my touch and he stole a split-second glance at me. I started rubbing circles against his shoulder, gradually moving down to his thick bicep. I could feel goosebumps rising on his skin when I touched it.

"You don't sound like an asshole at all."

He looked at me with sorry eyes. "I'm not good at this, Bree."