The Rising Sun (A Stiles Stilinski/Teen Wolf Fanfiction) [2]

Chapter 22 - Tangled

 I paused, waiting for my brother to reply. I folded my lips into a thin line when he didn't, grabbing my keys from the counter and my backpack from one of the chairs. He shouldn't beat himself up so much over this. I just wish he understood that.

 I blasted the radio on my drive to school, as if destroying my eardrums would somehow numb the pain of what I'd experienced in the past couple of months. I was tired of thinking about it. I wanted to go back to when things were simple. To when we ate dinner at the table, all five chairs filled. I never asked for any of this. I didn't want to be different. I just wanted to fit in and get through high school with the least amount of emotional scarring as possible. 

 Stiles' jeep was in its usual spot when I pulled into the parking lot, but he was nowhere in sight. I assumed he had an early morning lacrosse practice with the big championship game tomorrow night. So, I walked into school alone, realizing that it would the first time I'd been here since getting my memory back. It was a bittersweet feeling.

 I hopped up the steps, finally able to put names and memories with all of the faces I passed by. Now, they don't know me any better than me. They have no idea what I've been through, what I've experienced. I'm just confident enough now to be okay with that.

 Allison was the first person I spotted out of our little group of friends. She was sitting crossed-legged on one of the benches, playing with the sleeve of her sweater. I could see the pain in her eyes. I'd heard what had happened, why she left Lydia's party early. I sat down next to her, knowing that I was one of the few people who would actually be able to understand what she's going through.

 I didn't say anything, instead I just sat there as a form of comfort. She needed to know that somebody was supporting her. It's not easy to lose two family members in so little time. I can vouch for that. I know what it's like to lose someone you love. You don't get over something like that, you get through it.

 She glanced at my, her eyes glossed over from holding back the tears. I wish she wouldn't be so afraid to let people see her cry. She doesn't have to be strong all of the time. It's okay to break every now and then. Sometimes you have to in order to stay sane.

 She took in a shaky breath, staring back into her lap. Her voice, when she spoke, was brittle. "What was the hardest part, you know, after your mom died?"

 I thought about this for a moment. Everything about losing your mother is hard, but there are a few things that never really go away. There are things that will haunt you and cause you pain for the rest of your life, and there's nothing you can do about it.

 "I guess just realizing all the things she couldn't do anymore, the kinds of things only mothers can do," I said. 

 Allison stifled a sob next to me. I grabbed her hand, letting her know that it was okay if she wanted to cry. We were in the same boat. The supernatural had taken our family away from us, ripping it from the palms of our hands. 

 "It gets easier," I said. "Well, not at first, but it does eventually. One day you'll wake up and the numbness in your body will have subsided. You'll smile again and it won't feel right but you do it anyway. You do it because you realize that you don't have to be sad anymore,"

 She looked up at me, dabbing at the corner of her eyes. "Thank you, Emma,"

 I smiled and nodded. She was there for me when I lost my memory, now it was my turn to return the favor. I know how hard it is to try and get through something like this on your own, pretending that you're okay when you're really not because you hate having people feel sorry for you. 

 People stopped by our house six times a day for a month after the accident, always dropping by a lasagna or a fruit basket. We never ate them though. They just stock piled in the fridge until Eric finally threw them out.