Crush (18+)

Chapter 21

Dear readers, I am so sorry it's been this long. As I have mentioned before, I've moved from Europe to the USA and it's been really hard for me. I didn't have the time to write and I was simply too busy building a new life here. I really miss writing though and I will try to update more. Promised.

It was dark and cold outside and the rain was coming down on me when I was running inside the school building. This is exactly what the past few days have been like. Cold and grey and it was raining non-stop.

It was almost like the weather was adjusting itself to my mood.

This week had been weird. A lot of crazy shit happened and I wasn't in the mood to talk about it with anyone, not even with Tina. I just didn't like the confrontation and that's why I stayed in my room for most of the time.

I thought I'd be able to handle all of it. I'm a grown woman, I can handle every situation no matter how crazy or fucked up it was. But I realize that's far from the truth. I technically wasn't even a grown woman until next week.

My birthday was the last thing I wanted to think about right now. I was going to be 18, an adult. This was supposed to be a big deal, but how is this a big deal when I didn't even have anyone to celebrate it with?

I only spoke to Brandon once after our trip to Miami and that was in school. I get that he was too distracted by his parents love life, but why did that have to get in the way of our love life? Of course things are a little bit more complicated than that, but he didn't know about any of that.

And then there's Mia, she's been avoiding me ever since she told me she was in love with me. Now I have to be honest and admit that I have been avoiding her a little bit as well. Like I said before, I didn't know how to handle situations like this.

I wanted to give myself some time because that's what I needed, but it's been a week and I really need to have a proper conversation with my best friend right now and see how we're going to live with this.

Another reason why I was so scared to talk to Mia was because what if she didn't want to be my friend anymore? What if she can't be my friend anymore because I can't love her the same way she loves me?

Then there was my mother and brother and even though the last person I wanted to see on my birthday was Rafael, I didn't exactly have a choice since it was his fucking birthday too. Maybe this was a good thing though. Maybe he could just draw all the attention to himself so no one would pay attention to me.

I almost started to laugh at myself when I thought about Noah coming to my birthday. No, I am pretty sure that whole thing we had, whatever it was, was over. I didn't want to feel sad about it, but the truth is that I did. I knew it wouldn't last, I guess I just expected to have a little more time.

But like my mom always tells me, everything happens for a reason. I believed in that. Maybe it was for the best the affair between Noah and me was over because the truth was, we were not only ruining our relationships but we were hurting other people with our reckless behavior.

Noah was hurting Jocelyn and I was hurting Brandon. Sure, they didn't find out about us yet but we were still the reason why things between Noah and Jocelyn weren't that great anymore. Jocelyn cheated, yes, but that would have never happened if she felt like her marriage with Noah was still the same.

But it wasn't and it hasn't been for a long time.

And now my poor Brandon was hurting because of his parents temporary split. Hell, I don't even know if I could still call it that, they've been apart for weeks now.

I wanted to be there for Brandon and tell him everything was going to be alright, but I was the last person who had the right to tell him that, especially since I was in the middle of all of this. 

I grabbed my phone and started typing a text to Brandon.

Yes, I was scared and wanted to hide in my room for the rest of my life, but Brandon was still my boyfriend and I needed to speak with him.

What are you doing tonight? I'm home alone...

I sent the text and not much later he replied and told me he would be here at eight. That had to be enough time for me to figure out what the hell I was going to say to him.

To kill the time and to clear my head, I decided to clean up the mess in my house since no one else was going to do it. Mom was working almost everyday lately and Rafael was once again nowhere to be found.

The doorbell rang and I realized that it was eight already, so I dropped the mop I was cleaning the bathroom floor with and made my way downstairs to open up the door for Brandon.

He looked as nice as ever. Hair fixed, a new shirt on and a small smile on his face. Without saying anything, he pulled me into a hug and I was a little taken back by his sudden action. We haven't talked much the last few days and I wasn't sure how it was going to be seeing him again.

Brandon came inside and I sat down on the couch, waiting for him to join me. When he did, I wasn't sure what to say. But before there was a chance for this to get awkward, Brandon spoke up.

"It's really good seeing you again. I feel like we haven't spoken for weeks and that's my fault. Everything was just so fucked up with my family and I was in the middle of all of it.."

I grabbed his hand as I could clearly see the pain in his eyes. "Yeah, how is your family doing? Is your mom still at your grandma's place?"

Brandon nodded and shrugged, "I think she's not coming home anytime soon. It's just so weird, I thought that she really loved my dad. I get why my dad is so angry at her, he'd never cheat on my mom. But it's still my mom, I can't hate her."

I just gazed at him and at this point I was really at a loss for words. If Brandon ever finds out about his dad and me, it would break his heart. Of course I knew that already, but it's different now. He thinks his dad is this great role model for him, but he's just as bad as Jocelyn.

"Stay with me tonight. I really don't want to be alone," Brandon breathed.

My first reaction would be to say no. Going back to Brandon's place after all this time and seeing Noah again, I wasn't sure if I could do that. I looked at the half empty glass of water on the table in front of me as I spoke up. "I don't think that is such a good idea."

"Why not?" Brandon asked me as he grabbed both of my hands. "Your mom won't be home till late and who knows if your brother will come home? I don't want you to be alone, this place doesn't even have a lock! And I don't want to be alone, so please just come with me to my place."

I snorted. This place does in fact have a lock, it just happens to be broken at this moment. I rolled with my eyes and stood up from the couch, holding my hand out for Brandon.

"Let's go then, before I change my mind."

On my way to Brandon's house, my stomach started hurting and I felt sick. I wanted to be a good girlfriend for Brandon and be there for him whenever he needed me to, but only the idea of having to face Noah after everything that happened was enough to make me want to jump out of this car and run back home as quickly as I could.