Fragile (Handle With Care)

One

Leigh Deanise Galore

Until when I'll stay like this?

"Leigh, you must be the top student again in your school."

Until when I'll stay like an idiot robot who just knows how to follow a command.

"Kayo ni Lukas, you two must stay undefeated when it comes to acads."

Until when I'll be like this? Can someone tell me...

"Understood Leigh?"

Am I going to stay like this until I have my own life? Or... until...
Forever...

"Leigh?"

It's like my life is just a roller coaster. Aandar mula sa mababa, papataas, iikot, iikot ng paulit ulit.

"Hey Leigh!"

Paulit ulit lang ang ikot. Kaya nakakahilo. Nakakasawa. Nakakatamad.

"Leigh!!!"

I just got shocked when mom slaps the table.

I remember. We're eating and mom is on my front.

"Yeah?" Parang nagtatakang sabi ko.

"Did you understand what I just said?"

I nodded even I don't know what she's telling about.

"Hay Leigh... you're always inattentive. I want you to excel again. How can that happen if you're always like that!?"

What the hell?

Napatitig na lang ako sa kinakain ko. Then I sighed. Ang hirap na kasing magsalita.

I always talk the same way and the same topic. Ayoko ng ulit ulitin pa ang mga salitang nakakasawa na.

This always happen that's why I'm getting used to it.

"You must be known by all your teachers. I think, everybody must know you. Cause if everybody know you, everybody know your name. Our name!"

"You must go to school early and with full energy.  Eat your food Leigh."

She sliced the food on her plate and ate it.

Hindi ko siya sinunod. I continued staring at nothing.

She looked at me.

"I'm like talking with nobody! I said eat that Leigh."

"I can't. I lost my appetite."

Tumayo na ko at naglakad paalis. I left her with her shocked face.

"My goddess Leigh!"

Blah

blah

what ever

I opened the door and went out.

I sighed. Stayed for a minute. And think about where will I go again.

Saan nga ba?

Wala naman akong ibang pupuntahan kundi sa favorite place ko dito sa 20th floor na Condominium na to.

Rooftop, where I usually found peace.

So I started to walk.

In this life, Im just playing. Not literally playing.

Tingin ko naglalaro ako ng hide and seek.

Ako yung taya. And I'm seeking for peace and freedom. I'm also seeking for something. Maybe it's love. Syempre wala namang sense ang peace and freedom kung walang love.

Pagkarating ko sa rooftop, I feel so great. Wala akong naririnig na dikta. All I feel right now is the wind hitting my face. At sobrang sarap sa pakiramdam.

Natatanaw ko ang mga ibong nagliliparan sa langit. I wish I could be like them. I wish I could be as free as them.

I walk straight to edge of the rooftop at umupo. I always do this even I know that there's a tendency that I'll fall down.

E ano kung mamatay ako?

Siguro iiyak si mommy kasi sayang. Sayang ako.

At si Lukas, siguro tatawa lang yon. Wala na siyang kaagaw sa lahat.

Maybe my friends will grieve. Uh. I remember I don't have friends. Because I chose someone special between them. I chose someone who I thought will be mine forever, but I'm wrong. That person left me hanging like a discarded chandelier on the ceiling that will fall anytime.

I don't live for something. I'm just living for nothing.

If I'm gonna ask about my motto in life. I'll answer, "Wala akong Pake."

Cause I don't care with you... I don't care with who you are and what you are.

What's the essence of having our own lives if we always watch somebody's phase.