Break Free Roselle

Chapter 2 - Smitten

Secretly I am jealous I didn't grow up with them, that I can't never have the bond those two have, but I'm just grateful they are part of my life now, so I don't really mind all their teasing, as long as they don't do it in front of someone important.

Right now they tease me about having a crush, which is totally not the case. I'm just talking to this youtuber I really like, but I have no idea what she looks like or where she lives and the like. I know she's English and probably lives in London based on her accent, I know she's a girl and called Roselle and I know she's really talented at styling hair.

Roselle has small and chubby hands, but they move with such grace and speed when she's doing her art. She can create such intrinsic things on the head of a mannequin, while making it sound so simple when she explains it all. Her voice is sweet and gives me the impression of someone shy and innocent, like a kid in a way.

This youtuber is also so cute, I don't even know how to explain it but she is adorable when she speaks, when she replies to anyone that leaves a comment on her videos or posts, so kind when she tries to helps us with every video.

She's so cute!

"And she's giggling again!" Charlie cries out, almost a shriek, and I swear if he hadn't said it, I wouldn't have known I was giggling again. I was just thinking of this youtuber and that's my reaction, especially because it seems I've caused an impression on her.

Roselle is fairly famous, loads of people leave comments so I'm sure she can't reply to everyone, yet she always replies to mine and we actually have conversations. We actually have conversations through private messages on Instagram sometimes!

What? Aren't I allowed to be excited about that?

"It's because she's so cute," I reply, just checking my phone again to see her latest reply, with an adorable picture of a kitten holding a flower, and I just think how that's so her. "Look! Where does she even find those pictures?"

Cue to my words, I show them the picture of the kitten Roselle sent me, and both Charlie and Ella react the same way: "Awwww."

See? It's not only me.

"Who's this human, though? Is she the same one you're always texting with?" Ella asks, spinning her pen through her fingers in a blurry motion.

"It's the youtuber I asked you to watch the other time," I reply putting my phone away after sending a heart to Roselle.

"The one you forced us to watch, you mean?" Charlie questions, arching eyebrows and challenging expression.

"I didn't force you, I just didn't gave you another option," I clarify but he only rolls his eyes, throwing his arms in the air. "But yeah, it's her, the youtuber that's never shown her face. She replied once and she kept doing it for a while."

"Ah, you got all cosy already. When's the wedding?" Ella teases with a fond smile.

"It's not like that, though," I try to explain this time. "She's adorable and all that, but I don't have a crush-crush on her. She awakens this protective instinct in me, I don't know why, and she's very sweet and so feminine and excuse me for loving watching hairstyles tutorials."

"It's okay, we know you're a beautiful flower, but with many thorns, and you love adorable things." I just nod my head at Ella's words. "But crush aside, you do seem more smitten with this youtuber."

I shrug, not discussing that because I don't see anything bad with it. "It's not a romantic crush, though. I don't even know what she looks like and what kind of person she really is. Who knows, she might be faking it all and she's a snob. Maybe I'm just bewitched with her talent and utterly envious I can't even plat my hair."

"I'm not sure anyone can, and I don't want to be mean but most of the time your hair looks like it'll attack me if I touch it, and I constantly feel the need to do that because it looks fluffy... but deadly," Charlie comments and I give him a dead glare.

"Well, excuse me for having unruly frizzy deadly hair!"

"It's beautiful," Charlie inputs solemnly. "And anti-gravity..."

Even if I want to keep glaring at Charlie, I can't because the chuckles escape me. Making bad jokes about my hair isn't new to me, growing up with such curly and thick hair made me victim to constant teasing, among other things. Kids are kids and have no awareness of what they are doing, but my Momma always said it was pretty and I should never feel ashamed or self-conscious because of what other people said. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, some might thing something is ugly, some might think it's not, that's why beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I was given everything I have and I should be grateful I'm healthy and love myself as I am, because that on its own is a miracle regardless if some people think it's not pretty or whatever. That's why jokes or the like are not offensive to me, especially coming from friends when I know they are just joking and their words have no bite. But even if other people are mean with their words, I grew up strong enough to not let those words get to me.

"You're just jealous you're going bald already," I tease Charlie back and he gasps so loudly I'm sure he even hurt his throat.

"I am not, mind you. I just don't have as much hair as others do." Next thing he does is glaring at Ella and I. Ella with her long blond curly hair also knows her quota of fighting defying-gravity frizz. The two of us just shake our heads, flipping our hair. "Why am I friends with you two? I need male friends that have their hair evenly distributed on their bodies so I won't be victim of this type of bullying anymore."

Ella and I just laugh at him.

This is how our friendship is, getting distracted in the middle of conversations with just random jokes and comments. I'm not sure how we manage to have normal conversations. Do we even have those?

"Going back to the youtuber," Ella mentions then. "I hope she's not faking it and that you learn from her. If you do, please do my hair for our graduation."

"We have a while before that. Good. I need years to learn to do a proper plat."

Ella and Charlie give me thumbs up and encouraging smiles, I just chuckle and go back to my phone, wondering if Roselle sent something else.

I really don't know why I'm smitten —quoting Ella, not that I am— with this youtuber, why do I get this vibe from her, but I don't think it's a bad thing. Moreover, with all the stress that comes from studying and just life, isn't just healthy to have someone else to talk to that makes you smile effortless with just the picture of a cat?

When I unlock my phone I see she indeed has sent something else, a picture of a model with similar hair like mine, asking if that looks like mine so she can get an idea for the next video. I feel so touched that she is really thinking to make her next video to help me and it makes me all giddy inside.

And like that I'm back to ignoring Ella and Charlie to chat with Roselle, explaining better the troubles I have with my hair.

The smile never leaves my lips.

❀ ❀ ❀

What can I say? Life is difficult. Trying to re-enchant yourself with what used to be your biggest passion is hard. Trying to make ends meet is hard. Trying to figure out what you're doing with your life is difficult. I'm just trying to keep going and writing in the middle of the storm that my own emotions are.

Bel, xx