Never Again

Chapter 45: Doubt

----------

The first few days when she had been back home she had used to regain some energy, as the weekend had drained her completely. She had gone for long walks and had spent many hours in front of the TV, which had resulted in her being completely up to date with all the Swiss TV shows. The best part of it all was that she hadn't been alone most of the time as Seb had shown up at her door already the first day they had been home. It had been a bit awkward at first, but they had quickly gotten back to their routine, albeit them being more intimate with each other than before. Luckily for her Seb hadn't seemed to mind and she had used every opportunity to be close to him, she had really fallen for him.

She smiled and looked in her mirrors, the streets were as empty as always and she pulled into the drive way. She parked the car neatly in its spot and she quickly got out her stuff. Walking towards the door she appreciated the clean mountain air and she took an extra deep breath before entering the house. The last few days she had been at the factory to discuss the results of the race, so she hadn't got much fresh air. They also had already been focussing on the race next weekend in Japan, because a race weekend took a lot of preparation. She was really excited for Japan as everyone had described the atmosphere there as 'bonkers' and she remembered the Japanese fans from when she had watched Formula 1 in the past.

The only thing that had puzzled her during her stay in England was Seb. He had also been there, although only very shortly and he had acted differently from when they had just gotten back from Singapore. He had been more distant, also annoyed very quickly and he had given her the impression that he was worried about something. She had gotten a lot of mixed signals from him and that meant that they had ended up almost kissing again, but also him letting go of hugs very quickly. It was messing with her head and she wanted to know what was going on. She sighed, this was exactly why she had promised herself no more guys after David for a while, because this was making her doubt herself all over again.

The house was in a desperate need of a clean and she gladly used that opportunity to clear her head. She put on some music and danced through the house, cleaning everything in the process. It didn't take that long to get the job done and she made sure that everything was spic-and-span when she had finished. She checked her watch and it showed her that it was already time for dinner, she had forgotten the time completely. When she opened the fridge to look for some food she realised that there was nothing significant in there to make herself some dinner. If she was quick she could still run to the supermarket before it closed, but she had to hurry if she wanted to be there on time.

Although they were approaching autumn, it was still very warm for this time of year and going out in just a shirt was more than enough. She felt the sun on her face and that made her smile, she hadn't seen much sun in Singapore. She liked sun, but she was looking forward to the autumn, as that was her favourite season of the year. The way the trees changed from green to all different kind of colours was something magical and the sound of rustling leaves when you stepped on them was always comforting. However it didn't look like autumn was coming soon, so she just had to wait for a bit. With a smile on her face she spread her arms and twirled around, something she always did when she was a child as it made her feel as free as a bird.

With a bag full of groceries she was on her way home. She had chosen an alternate route as she felt like doing something different today. That's also why she had bought a lot of things she had never eaten before and she was looking forward to making pasta with squid tonight. For tomorrow she had bought swordfish and she had to admit that she had only bought that because of the name. While grinning she switched the heavy bag to her other hand, because her fingers had gone numb. She didn't know what had came over her, but she felt different today. She was happier and looking forward to things, not shying away from a challenge. So maybe she was able to go back to the Keira she had been before David after all.

Why on earth had she bought so much food, she thought, because her arms were now hurting from carrying the bag. To give her arms a rest she put the bag down and wiggled her fingers to get the blood flow started again. When she looked around to orientate herself she smiled, she was standing next to the little restaurant Seb had taken her to eat raclette. It had been the first time they had gone out for dinner together and she had really enjoyed herself that evening. She peered through the window and saw that it was as packed as when she had been there and that was always a good sign. People were talking happily amongst each other and the smell of cheese made her hungry.

Suddenly it felt like all the air had been knocked out of her lungs. No, this couldn't be. This wasn't true, this couldn't be true, she was deceiving herself. She tried to steady herself as her knees were giving in, but she couldn't find something to hold on to. Her eyes were still fixed on what she was seeing inside and her stomach sank to the floor. She was getting dizzy and it felt like her heart had been ripped out. Tears were welling up in her eyes and she still couldn't look away, although to keep looking was taking all her energy. This was just a cruel joke, because how could this be real?