My past does not define me

Ice cold

{Juvia's pov}

I slowly walked to the guild with the taste of alcohol still lingering in my mouth. I may have had a couple of drinks. What happened with Gray made me confused but I was upset that it made me confused. Isn't this what I wanted? For us to kiss and fall in love. It just doesn't feel right. My feet dragged against the concrete with an annoying noise following. I tried to avoid not going to the guild for weeks, but I'm running out of money so I have to. I reached the front doors as my stomach sank. If he's in there I'm doomed. I pushed them opened with the small amount of strength I had left. I didn't bother looking at anyone I just headed straight for the job board. "Juvia! I haven't seen you in days" I heard Cana yell obnoxiously. I felt a vein pop out of my forehead but managed to plaster on a fake smile. "Cana! Nice to see you too! I'm kinda busy though so I'll see ya" I said. I grabbed a random job and got Mira to check it over. I stood at the bar waiting and when she handed the request back and I turned around I got all tense. Gray just walked into the guild as I made eye contact with him. He didn't seem too happy. I focused my vision to the ground and speed walked out of there. I made it just in time, he probably didn't even notice I left. A smirk covered my face as I started walking to the train. I should be a spy. I spoke too soon as I felt a hand grab my wrist. I sweat dropped as I turned slowly. His raven hair entered my line of sight. "Heyyy what's up?" I asked while scratching the back of my head.

**

"Why have you been avoiding me?" He asked as we sat at the bench were I told him my past. "I don't know what you're talking about Fullbuster, I've just been...tired"I responded. I could see him frown. "Juvia, I'm sorry for what I did...but I'm kinda not sorry at the same time" he stated. I looked down and blocked out all of his words. I couldn't stand listening to his voice. It hurt. "So that's why I did it" he finished. "I have to go" I said while standing up. "Wait" he demanded. "I'll go with you, on your job" he replied. "I don't need your help" I panicked. If he comes I'll melt into a pile of mush. Why does he make me so uncomfortable? "It's ok I don't mind tagging along" he responded. I gave in and we both walked to the train station. We stood for about 10 minutes in awkward silence waiting for the train to arrive. Once it got there we stepped on and found a seat. Gray sat with me even though there was a whole cart free for seats. I looked down at my hands then out the window. As I watched the scenery I heard my phone go off. It was a call from Kaito. "Hello?" He started. "Hey, um I'm on a mission what did you want?" I asked. I could feel Gray's eyes pierce through my soul. "Just wanted to check in, you haven't gone to the guild in awhile" he stated. "Oh yeah I was just feeling a little sick....where have you been staying for the past couple of days?" I asked, realizing that he hasn't come over in awhile. "Oh, master gave me a temporary dorm at the guys building" he explained. A smile grew on my face. "Well I'm glad you're getting along with everyone at the guild, I'll have to go now bye" I said. "See you" he answered as I hung up. I rested my head on the edge of the window an tried to fall asleep in order to avoid conversation.

**

"We're here" I heard Gray say. My eyes slowly opened to see him shaking me. "I'm up, I'm up" I replied. We got off and headed to the designated stop for this job which is in a forest. "So we have to find this rare flower?" Gray asked. I was in no mood to be questioned so I gave a weak nod. We entered the cluster of trees and started looking. It's supposed to be a purple flower so it'll stand out. After about an hour of looking we took a break. I flopped onto the ground as Gray sat next to me. More awkward silence. "I'm sorry" I said quietly. "For what?" Gray asked looking confused. "For us kissing and me kicking you out of my house and not coming to the guild, I'm just so confused" I said while furrowing my eyebrows. "It's fine, Juvia" I flinched as he said my name. I then felt arms wrapping around me. I returned the action and now we're just hugging in the middle of the forest. I sighed. I tried holding back the tears in my eyes.  "Maybe it's best that we just forget about that whole day" I suggested. He didn't reply. "I mean we obviously don't have feelings for each other...right? So what's the point" I stood up and started to wander. He doesn't like me, that's fact. But why do I feel so light headed right now. I felt him walk beside me. He focused his eyes on the ground while portraying that of a moving statue. I could tell that he was upset. "Are you ok?" I asked. No answer. "There's the flower" he stated unenthusiastically. "Oh! Perfect" I said while retrieving it. "Nice one" I stated while holding out my hand waiting for him to high five it. All he did was look away. "The silent treatment, I see" I said quietly while I continued walking.  

**

We made it back onto the train with the jewels. I split it with Gray, but he still ignored me. "Gray can you please talk to me?" I pleaded. I heard a loud sigh then he turned to me. "Maybe we shouldn't hangout anymore, maybe we shouldn't talk anymore and maybe we should just forget each other" he stated flatly while moving seats. My stomach sank at his statement, I wanted to cry, but maybe he's right.

**

I made it back to the guild. I lost Gray somewhere in town but who cares right. Doesn't matter anymore. I opened the doors and saw Gray sitting at a table. How did he manage to get ahead of me? I coughed awkwardly while walking past him and over to the bar. "Can I get a round of shots?" I asked Mira. "You ok?" She asked worriedly. "I'm just fucking dandy, can't you tell?" I almost yelled. Everyone stared at me. I laid my head on the counter and started breathing heavily. I didn't mean for it to go like this. I drank all the shots in a matter of minutes. I then drunkenly walked out of the guild. I started sobbing. I cried for hours sitting outside the hall. My eyes became red and the sky became dark. Then I heard someone exit the guild. My heart stopped. They were right behind me. I wiped the tears off my face. Surly they wouldn't be able to tell that I was crying in this light, right? I turned to them, of course it was Gray. I looked away. "How does it feel to be betrayed?" He asked. I frowned. "What are you talking about?" I asked. "It's what I feel everyday, because of you. You deserved this" he stated blankly. "You know, you've always been an asshole, a jerk, a cold hearted bastard" I laughed. He remained neutral. I stood up and walked home. You deserved this. His words replayed in my head. I'm worthless, useless, awful. I hurt everyone around me. I'd be better off dead.

Here's a slightly short update. Sorry for my inactiveness but I've been very busy

-peace🍈