Being a victim of sexual harassment

Years and years of abuse

Growing up I had a rough childhood and I believe it made me the way I am. I seek attention because nobody gave me any when I was younger, I crave touch, hand on hand, body on body but I crave it when it's from someone I want. That's it.

My uncle was an alcoholic ever since I could remember, he lived with us because he couldn't get a job. I remember the first time he abused me. He threw me on the ground making my face hit the table and my eye getting rug burn. My mother to this day doesn't believe me and it hurts. The person you know the most about, can't believe you. Maybe she thought that I cried wolf too many times or that I just wanted him out of there. I honestly couldn't remember why I wanted him out so bad, I just knew that I needed him away from me. After the kidnapper incident, my mother didn't want her stalker finding me so she sent me off with my alcoholic uncle. He had changed. He had a son now and two step-children and a wife. She always gave me a bad vibe.

I can't say there wasn't at least one attack that my uncle brought to me every week, on the weekends was when he got drunk and decided to take his pain out on his niece. It once got so bad to the point where I asked my old bully for help. The next door neighbor Sam, he took my book bag, pushed me off the bus and constantly made me scream bloody murder or "uncle" whenever he twisted my arm behind my back but even though he was my bully, he was my protecter.

One night was the worst of them all. My uncle came home on a Friday night, drunk as hell and came to me and started yelling slurs at me such as "ugly b*tch" or "worthless" and pretty much everything in between. He took it to the next level and started to abuse me physically. He picked up the chair and broke it against the table, coming towards me with a sharp wooden chair leg as if he was going to stab me. I cried my hardest but not as hard as I did months ago.

He dropped the wooden stake and his eyes rolled to the back of his head before passing out on the time floor, my brother has hit him with the rest of the chair. My brother called the police as I ran to Sam's backyard and knocked on his window. He stares at me with a dumbfounded  look on his face and I ask him if I could come inside. I soon told him the story as he looked confused and scared and worried? I started to choke back a sob and he soon hugged me, I stayed at his house the entire weekend without anyone noticing. Once Monday came, I was back with my mother in my hometown going to my new school again. Never hearing from my bully again

When I moved back with my mother, we couldn't afford our large 3 story house and we ended up moving to a small condo. I didn't see a problem with it because as long as I had a roof over my head then I was fine.

That year I wasn't the same person. I lost my self confidence and I felt disgusting. I felt used and scared and I just wanted to find a place in the world.

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Hey guys it's Arri. I need to go on a quick rant. Please please please savor your childhood because right now I'm at a party and I just sat here and almost cried. I cried because I wasn't the same girl I wanted to be. I wasn't the girl my parents thought I was and I hated living in a lie. I hate watching my friends get boyfriends and not even giving a fuck if they cheat on each other, if they have fucking sex. I mean yeah sure do whatever you want but don't drag me to a random guys house and have sex while I'm in the same room let alone bed. I just want to watch who I was before. Before the lies and the parties and popularity. I wanna be the weird girl who never talks to anyone because while being popular makes you look like so much fun, you're lonely. My best friend of almost 4 years left me for a guy that cheated on her. What the hell does that say?

I just wish I was able to trust someone instead of trying to fit in. I don't wanna be crying sitting here thinking every time my friends get touched that I'll remember the sound. The sounds that happened to me not so long ago. I'm crying while my "friends" are in the room. I hear my friends boyfriend slap her ass and all I remember is the sounds of getting slapped by my uncle. Being threatened by father. Being disappointed in my ex boyfriend.

It's so hard to be the colored one on the group. My friends are all pale and have skin like ivory. All they do is make racist jokes calling me a nigger or telling me to go pick cotton. It hurts so much because all I do is get called out for my color and it's not even like I'm bad looking! Like they always leave me out and I don't have any friends.

My boyfriend of almost 9 months dumped me before my birthday. My actual best friend only works and goes to parties and smokes weed all the time now. I don't wanna be like this anymore. I wanna be normal and be able to pass a drug test like god damn. Is that too much to ask for?

Why don't things ever go my way. Nobody wants to talk to me. I'm the chubby mixed girl who doesn't have a place in the world, at least that's what other people think. I'm just done