Self Beauty (Book 2 in the Liberated Series)

One

Sitting up in bed I pull my arms through the sleeves of my button up shirt.  The girl I took back to my room tonight soundly asleep next to me.

Grunting I nudge her gently, making sure she wont wake as I make my way out.  It always seemd to make it weird. Like they expect me to stay when I've made myself clear on what I wanted?  Please ladies, let a man leave and not look back.

One boot.

The second.  

And then making sure I had everything including my wallet I headed out.

I would like to say I took her back to my room.  The one I lived in, but this was just a room I purchased for the night.

I seemed to be doing that a lot.

Having one nighters.

Trying to fill my own void.  But it seemed to only make myself feel worse lately. I'll focus on the woman. Make sure she's had her fill of me before giving her my release, But it just doesn't seem to do anything for me anymore, or for the past few months if I was being honest with myself.

I was wasting my time...staying here in this wet state.  Washington was beautiful, not doubt about that, but I was home sick.  New York calling my name in the back of my mind.  The only thing keeping me from going anywhere was Sophie.  Not only had I saved her life and ruined my own in the process, but she was the only one who knew what I had gone through, what I was still going through.

Seven months..three days...I couldn't stop counting the time.

I had nothing.  

Nothing to go back too.  And I reminded myself of that as I got in my car and started down the winding roads.  Forgetting about the woman I left not but a few moments ago.

Their was no comfort for me anymore.

How was I going to move on?  The thoughts that strangled me every night came back in full force and I held down on the accelerator a bit more.  The trees and lights coming faster now.  I wanted to hit something.  Anything.  

To let the pain of it go through me.

It's nothing better then what I deserved.

My brother was dead.  And it was because of me.  I didn't see how sick in the head he had really become.  How obsessed with money, with Sophie he had become...because I was the one that put the bullet in his brain.

If only Ma was alive for that.  Oh, what a son I would be.  The son she liked least, killing the one she adored more then anything...I rang my hands on the steering wheel, and right as I rounded a corner, saw it to late.  

The flashing lights of the police.

I didn't want to stop.  I wanted to keep driving, to drive till my hands bled and my back ached from the lack of movement...but I pulled over knowing who it would be.

Patrick. 

He was a bounty hunter when I first met him all those months ago.  But sense then he joined the force, promising to take care of Sophie..and in his mind he had to be making a stable income, even when I thought he was doing a great job already.

I sighed and put my head on the wheel when pulled over, waiting for the inevitable.

I heard the knock.

Rolled down the window, and heard him sigh.

"Segrick...we can't keep doing this man."  Leaning back I adjust myself and pull out my wallet. My ID and insurance at the ready.

"What ever.  Lets get this over with Pat."  He takes my card and then opens my door.

"Come on, stretch, let loose.  You only drive that way when you are thinking to hard."  I grunt and step out into the chilled night air.

"I'm surprised your not at home Pat.  Its almost three in the morning."  He shrugs as he reaches into his cruiser. Typing something into the pad and putting it back.

"I covered for Dan."

"Ah."  I didn't care who most of the people here were, so I just nodded as if I knew who he was talking about.

"And its lucky I did."

"Why's that?"  Crossing my arms I lean on his hood, watching as he comes to stand in front of me.  He hands me back my card with my information and looks me up and down.

"I know you haven't been drinking.  But I have an idea of other things."  I snort, and he continues. "You were going over 120 in a 65 lane Segrick."  I look down, frowning my brows.  I didn't think I was going that fast.

"And that's why its a good thing you took his shift?"

"No, its a good thing cause I'm giving you a warning instead of another night in the slammer.  I mean seriously man...you have to move forward."  Looking up now I could see pity written all over his face.  

Anger spiking I try to keep calm, breathing and running my hands down the jeans I'm wearing.

"And you don't think I'm trying?"  He shakes his head.

"You're miss understanding what I mean. Segrick, if you keep messing up, blacking out, having angry ex lovers pounding on your door-------I mean I can go on and on right now, your going to end up in even worse shape.  Don't do this to yourself.  Your going to kill yourself."  I look away to the bumper of my car, the heat fuming in the night air.

He was right.

I was trying to kill myself without even knowing it.

"Come by the house tomorrow and see Sophie.  She's been asking about you."

"Yeah. Sure."  I turn and start for my car, but Pat has my arm before I get far.

"And drive safe."  

I sigh and get into the car.

I didn't want to be safe.  I wanted the adrenaline spike.  I wanted to feel something.  Anything, to make me forget about the last look Kenny gave me before I pulled the trigger.