Thoughts. Just thoughts.
When I look at Li, I'm reminded of the childhood I never had. It's hard growing up not knowing what it feels like to be nurtured, to be loved, and not be forced by life’s circumstances to mature at an age when you’re supposed to be having fun.
Fun. What a nice word that is. I missed out on a lot of “young” fun and I can't get them back. It feels heavy in my heart sometimes when I think about the “fun” I could have had. Lol. It’s like I feel cheated when I think about what I missed. But yeah, I can’t do anything about that now. I just have to keep wearing my big boy pants and move forward.
Awww, what an angel. When I watch Li smile while enjoying TV on a Friday night like he is now, relaxing and eating snacks which I specifically told him to portion control (I'm like a father sometimes) cos not controlling one's portions is unhealthy. But whatevs. Who's gonna listen to an old man anyway? EL-OH-EL. Right. No one! BAHAHA!! (belly-aching laughter).
Oh boy...it's just...I don't know...when I look at him, I'm reminded of what happiness would be like had I had the same privileges growing up. He reminds me of what joy would look like had I had it easy like those who didn't have to go through life, aged by so many struggles and adversities. I feel old inside, you know? I don’t feel 29. I feel 39. I feel like Donald Trump’s hair.
I envy the kids of today. I really do (licks yo boner). Society is growing more and more open now...like a vagina. I mean, the future...it looks promising, no? It’s so moist. Lol.
Most parents from this generation—especially from the West—I applaud. They are willing to support their children with whatever choices they make. And that’s a good thing. Y'all teenagers are lucky. So don’t screw it up! Screw it down yo. Screw it down on that hard disco shtick!
I've been thinking a lot lately about the things I'm willing to do just to keep Li happy, safe and loved. And I don't see a limit to it. I may have lost close to three decades of happiness, but I'll make sure that the same doesn't happen to him. Li’s my only chance of getting those years back that my circumstances stole away from me. So damn you life! Feck you sideways! Lol. Hmm...fecking sideways.
Sorry. I get emotional when I'm tired. End of week. You know how it is (long sigh) I guess when you're getting older you need to redefine the word “inexhaustible.” Lol. I'm not a teenager like Li, whose energy reserves don't seem to run out of Jamba juice. But I'm glad. Glad to see him happy as a teenager. At least I'm experiencing through another person what being young looks and feels like. And the best part of all...is that I love him. I love him so much that I bought him new underwear with holes at the back. BAHAHAHAHAHA!! ^^
Y'all have a great weekend now ^^
I’m so fecking tired. I need buttah lovin’
