Beautiful Silence- Chenry

■~5~■

   "You're 20 minutes late again!"

I stood with my head down and my spine rigid in front of Mrs. Perry, my foster mom. Angela was there too, she was the only foster sister I had who could speak sign language. She was the mediator between Mrs. Perry and I, even though CPS had told her to learn sign language as well to communicate with me on her own. But she didn't bother and being caught under the bridge of misunderstanding has been my experience with her more than once. Angela signed her angry words to me.

"She said you're 20 minutes late again."

My heart was pounding hard in my chest as I looked up and swallowed. I didn't know what to say at first. Was there anything that would make her less angry with me? Probably not.

"I fell in a ditch on the way here, I couldn't help the time. That's why I was late and my phone was dead so I couldn't call to let-"

I couldn't fully sign back to Angela, because Mrs. Perry then grabbed my arm roughly and jerked me close to her old wrinkled face. I could smell the Marlboro cigarettes and Folgers coffee on her breath. Her ice blue eyes narrowed as they peered into mine.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't put your silly ass out right now. I had to watch all these damn kids by myself and you know I have to go to work without any damn sleep!"

I knew Mrs. Perry was yelling, I could feel the spit flecks on my cheek from her mouth and her eyes were wide and brimmed redness. When Angela signed what she said to me, I winced. She was referring to my foster siblings. I was supposed to babysit them everyday when I got home from school. Mrs. Perry went to work at the convalescent hospital at night and slept through the afternoons.

"It wasn't my fault My phone died and I couldn't call!"

I signed to Angela desperately. With my one free hand but it was no easy task.

"It wasn't her fault, mom. She fell into a ditch on the way over here, her phone died and she couldn't call you."

Angela was talking to Mrs. Perry now. I saw her lips moving rapidly in my defense. I wondered, within those short few moments why I was always the one in trouble. No matter what I do or how I do it,Mrs. Perry will always hate me. I'm the only one who's deaf with dark skin in this house.

"You shut the hell up Angie, and get to those chores. I'll handle this dumb little bitch, you're coming with me."

Mrs. Perry pushed Angela out of the way and dragged me to the bedroom I shared with her.

"I told you to be here at 5:00 O'clock exactly, move those damn hands again and I'll smack the shit out of you I swear to god."

Mrs. Perry twisted my arms behind my back and held them there. Something between a yelp and a scream erupted from my throat before I could stop it. She picked up a slim, braided leather belt hanging on the edge of Angela's bed and started to beat me with it. Her hand was heavy and brutal. The first lash came across my back, then my arms and legs and every else. By the time she was finished my whole body was stinging and silent tears were rolling down my cheeks. Mrs. Perry has always thought that because I can't hear, or speak that I'm stupid. But I'm not stupid. She wants me to think that, and I refuse to. When it was all over, I wilted to my knees after she release my arms.

"It's time for you to get your ass outta my house, bitch. You either get a job and make me some money or you're gone."

The door slams closed and I'm left to myself for a moment.  I rolled over onto my side, breathing hard. My body is numb and welted. I haven't felt this way in a long time. I always tried to stay on her good side. To never get on her nerves and do my part around the house, even more than my part. Mrs. Perry thinks I'm the one person that gives her the most problems. When in reality I never asked to be here. This wasn't a choice I was given to decide.

"Charlotte... Charlotte, are you okay?"

I look up and see Angela slip into the room. I feel her grab my hands gently and help me to sit up. She doesn't sign to me for a long time. She waits for me to catch my breath, her eyes study me in large pools of sympathy. And then my hands break the silence.

"Angie, I don't want to be here anymore. I can't. I have to leave, I want to leave.."

I sign to her, tears are still dripping into my lap. They feel heavy, wet, and angry.

"I'll kill myself if I don't get out of here soon, I promise you."

Angela puts her arms around me briefly, then she signs back.

"Don't say that, you don't have anywhere else to go. Charlotte please, don't say that. If you leave things will be even harder for us here. The other kids need you."

She holds me tight and I lean my head on her shoulder, squeezing my eyes shut because I don't want to cry anymore. I've done that for 12 years being here. I used to be a stronger person. When I first came here things were different. Now, Mrs. Perry has broken me. She's broken me so badly I don't even know who I am anymore. But I know I'm not like how I used to be. Whatever that was. 

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