◇ Letter to him. ◇

February 2017

man I like you so much it hurts, it hurts when I feel like I could give you my all but I don't, I don't because I'm scared your going to do what you always do, and that's show me you care and then stop, you stop showing me how you feel and maybe because your scared, your scared of loving someone because of the way your dad cheated on your mum and I'm sorry for that. Fuck I hate it, I hate how much I have fallen for you these past 6 months and I hate how you can say all these beautiful things and tell me things but then you say stupid ass things that makes my friends think your a dick and that your just stringing me along. How you can be so close with her and tell her things but you tell me there is nothing but friendship and I believe you, but what about her? What about how she feels towards you? How she smiled when she kissed you and you thought of me? Did you really think of me or were you just saying that to string me back to you? Even though I never went far but I gave you a year, a year to sort your shit out and here we are, you telling me to fuck the year, fuck her, FUXK everything and you want to be with me. Are you ready? Are you ready for all the loyalty and all the honesty a relationship is? All of the love I would give you? All of the ways I would want to help you and you not tell me how your feeling? You have made many mistakes and I don't want to bring them up, because they are in the past but what if you make one more mistake. Or I make the mistake of believing you and not them, I already feel like the idiot, blonde boy, I just want to be with you, but the real you not some fake guy who just needs me to be there. I hope that's not the case because I think I've fallen further this time and can't get back up even if I wanted to.

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It's been so long I know, but this is just something I needed to write and maybe you some how can relate.