More Than Words(Maxian)

Part 3

"Peach Pit" by Peach Pit

//

Not much is hidden underneath
A rock heart for breaking teeth

and apple cores cyanide seed

It's been along season through
This rotting fruit with you

Lift back and see the darkness hid
Swallowed up and angled in
Looking back at sweetness dim

Ripe june had leaf and shady friend
The cool is gone again

"Hello?"

"Hi, Max, what's up?"

"Oh nothin', just brainstorming video ideas. Are you alone?"

"Yeah, he's in the shower and I'm outside in my car."

"Did he get mad at you again?"

There was a silence before Ian answered him, which made Max slightly suspicious as to the legitimacy of his reply.

"No, Max. W-when I came back, it was like he was just horny as hell and...and he was acting all lovey-dovey...I think he's onto us."

"Oh, stop-"

"No, I'm serious. I think all that was him trying to get me to stay, and it's fucked up because...because I-I..."

"What's wrong, Ian? It's just me, remember? It's just us right now. No one else."

Ian took a deep breath. "I...think I realized something yesterday, a-and it's not fair, Maxy. It's just that...I...love Jordan. I love him."

"Wait, Ian, why is this a big deal? Didn't you love him before anyway? I don't understand."

"It's so bad, baby. I feel so bad that we do this. It fucks with me every second of every day. And it's-it's getting harder and harder to act like he's the only one."

Max's eyebrows drew together in worry when he heard Ian's voice crack and waver. He rubbed his face with his free hand as he waited for Ian to continue. He wondered if maybe he should take charge of the situation to help his lover feel less guilty, but he knew good and well there was only one way of dealing with that, and he wasn't sure if he was ready to let go of Ian yet. The part that made it even more complex was the fact that he and Ian were really good friends before any of the advanced interactions occurred.

"Well, baby, if you really feel that bad about it...no, I mean...but it's not like Jordan's a saint either! You can't count all the shit he's done on one hand, Ian, and you know it."

"But he can get so sweet. He brings me right back in every time."

"Well, how'd he do it this time, huh? Make you a bath full of rose petals and rub your feet? Does it take so little to bring you down like this? What happened? You've never acted this guilty before."

Ian's mind swam with memories of Jordan and him when he returned home. He thought of how Jordan told him he loved him in the heat of their lovemaking. He thought of how he felt the meaning and warmth bouncing off the walls in the room and filling his heart with shame for his infidelity.

"When I walked in that door, Max, he was all over me. It was like when we first met. He kissed me all over 'cause he knows it drives me crazy, and he fucked me...good and deep...and it was real, Max."

Max wiped away a tear he hadn't realized had fallen using his wrist. It hurt because he always felt like a side dish. Even in the midst of sweet, tender moments like the one they shared when Ian cooked dinner, he knew deep inside that an affair was always just going to be an affair. He knew what Jordan and Ian had was, like Ian said, real, and that sometimes the lines blur and trick people into believing in something that had been synthetic all along.

"That's what scares me the most. I don't know what to do...because it feels so similar when it's me and you. What kind of person am I to do this to you guys?"

Max concentrated on keeping the sadness out of his voice and replied, "Ian, I don't know if I want to have this conversation over the phone, and I know it's only really been a day since I last saw you, but I miss you like hell and I really think we should talk about this in person."

Ian could tell it wasn't a request and that it was best listen to Max. The blue-eyed man had a way of conveying a serious message without using raw emotion, and Ian knew him well enough to know when to just go with it.

"Alright."

Max nodded and hung up the phone. His face crumbled as more tears made their way down his pink-tinged cheeks. He didn't realize how much the dilemma really was weighing on him until right then. He covered his mouth as he sobbed softly, his other hand gripping the phone tightly. He knew he'd have to decide on what he wanted before he met up with Ian.