A Letter Too Late (Panic! At The Disco)

xo

Brendon tapped the space bar on his keyboard restlessly. A word document was opened on his screen, but no words filled it. Instead, the flashing bar just continued to move further to the side as he continued to tap the space bar.

He finally cried out in frustration, spinning his chair around and popping to his feet. He shoved his palms against his eyes, rubbing them to the point of having small squiggles cross over his blocked out vision.

Words were alluding him. Nothing seemed right. Nothing was good enough. No words would ever be good enough to compare to the words of the boy he wanted to write to...

"Dude?.." Brendon pulled his hands away from his eyes. He attempted to blink away the eye squiggles as his friend, Spencer, came into focus. His friend, and roommate, looked tired. His hair stuck out at strange angles and his eyelids were still low. "What's up?" He mumbled as he plopped himself down on the couch across the room from where the computer was set up.

Brendon sighed. He walked across the room to sit next to his friend. "I'm trying to write a letter." He responded, softly.

Spencer hummed before yawning, "To who?"

Brendon felt his heart tear at the question. He knew he would start crying if he said the name out loud. He still wasn't over it. "Him."

A slight confusion crossed over Spencer's face before relazation set in. "Oh..."

Brendon nodded, silently. There was a lump in his throat just by thinking about... Well, him. Every day, it only got harder. The pain only grew.

"What did you want to say?" Spencer asked, adjusting his position to better face Brendon.

Brendon avoided his friend's gaze as he thought the question over. There was so much he wanted to say... The real struggle was where to start.

"Why don't you just write out your thoughts and see what happens?" Spencer suggested after a span of silence.

Brendon bit his lip, but nodded. It made sense as a starting point. He patted Spencer's arm before pushing himself up and making his way back over to the computer. He pulled out the chair and allowed his body to drop into it. He looked at the screen in front of him. Its blankness felt like a taunt to Brendon's struggle.

So... It's been awhile, Ryan.

You know... When you first left, I drank a lot. The booze gave me the warmth that left with you. My whole thought process wrapped around the idea that without you to hold, I'll be freezing.

It got so cold without you.

I'm still cold.

I wonder what you're doing right now. It feels like a hundred years, I still can't believe you're gone... I can only hope that you're in a better place. I guess being with me just wasn't the best place for you...