All I Do Is Push People Away, Why Are You Still Here?

Chapter 4

His brown hair hangs a little onto his face, and I see him push it behind his ears. My stomach fills with butterflys, and my hand shakingly grabs the door handle and swings the door open. I step out of the car and look over at Sam. She gives me a wink and we both walk towards the guy. 

"I thought you were coming alone, who is this?" He smiles towards me

"Matt, this is Hannah Green. I think i've ment-" 

"Hannah Green? Didn't your mom die? Why are you even outside?" Insensitive prick. Good choice Sam. I should have stayed home. I don't say anything, I stare at him. Flip him the finger, and start walking away. I walk past the car and reach the sidewalk. I guess i'll walk home. 

"Hannah! Come back, i'll drive you home!" I start walking a little faster, no thanks. I dont want to be driven home. I dont want to hear, Sorry Hannah, I thought he was a good guy. Sorry Hannah Sorry. I'm sick and tired of hearing sorry. I'm sorry your mom died. Sorry that youre all alone now. Sorry! SORRY SORRY!!!  I dont want to hear it again. I look up and i'm infront of a park. I see swings in the distance and decide to go and sit on them for a while. When I reach the swings I notice that the park is almost completly empty except some guy with his dog playing on the grass. I sit down on the swing, grip the chains, close my eyes and lean back. I flip the swing to go down and stay like that for a while. 

"Hannah!" I let go of the chains and bang my head on the ground. My body slips off of the swing and I sit up, open my eyes and see Matt standing infront of me. 

"What do you want? Are you here to talk about my mom a little more? Were you not quite done? Oh I'm sorry. Please continue...." By now I am standing up. I could see the guilt in his face. 

"No! I didnt mean to say that! It came out wrong. I am s-" No.

"Dont say youre sorry, please just dont." He looks confused but tries to continue.

"I wasn't thinking, okay? I don't know why I said that. I should have been more considering towards you. I'm not that type of guy, a douchebag. Thats not me." He scratches his head. "I don't understand why I cant say sorry? But uhm yeah." This is so dumb

"Thanks, I guess? I dont like meeting guys like this so... I'm gonna go." I walk back to the sidewalk and ignore and comments he was saying behind me. I feel a hand tap onto my shoulder. It's him.

"I'll drive you home. Dont say no, i'm just trying to be nice. I promise." I sigh and follow him back to where we met, Sam's car is gone and I see his car. Its a nice red pick up truck. I get into the passenger seat and he drives me home. He pulls into my driveway and I look over to him.

"Thank you Matt. Uhm, I forgive you for earlier.." I shrug and reach for the doorr handle.

"Look, I find you pretty and I didnt mean what I said. Can I have your number or something?" He's smiling at me. This is not happening.  

"I am not trying to be rude, but uhm not right now. I just met you, and I dont need to fuck up someone elses life with my shitty life. So yeah. I'm sorry. Thanks again.. Bye." I step out of his car and before reaching my door I look back and I can see that he's upset. I have to keep walking. GOD DAMMIT HANNAH. I walk inside quickly and grab a pen and paper. I write my number on it, and jog to his truck. I walk to his window. I tap on it and hand him the paper before running to my house. I quickly open the door and lean against it. What did I just do? I'm so dumb.

"Hannah is that you?" I hear my sister call my from upstairs. I jog up the steps and see my sister crying on her bed.