Kind Crimson Eyes

Hot Chocolate

TW

     I don't know why he was worried about being too heavy. He barely weighs anything at all anymore. I'm not sure if it's from a lack of appetite or what, but he's frail; worryingly so.
     It's quiet as I carry him home. He says nothing, but breathes shallowly in my ear. He's so still I wonder if he's fallen asleep.

     I struggle a little carrying him up the apartment staircase, but it's nothing I can't handle. An elevator at a time like this may have been nice, though. If not for my comfort, then for Shinji's.
     Once we reach my floor, I strategically open the door to my suite and carry him straight into the bathroom, setting him on the edge of the tub.
     I turn on the water, plug the drain, and let it fill, occasionally testing the temperature.
     Shinji still says nothing, only staring blankly at the floor. His trembling lips are a sickly shade of blue, the rest of him as pale as I am. He was out there for far too long.
     The climate change caused by the Second Impact brought on horrific storms. We grew up with them. It's been normal for us. He knows not to get caught in them..
     He knows.

    Desperate to warm him as soon as possible, I begin to take off his soaked clothes. I struggle with his icy, mud covered long sleeve as it clings to his skin, so I start by taking each arm out individually.
     When I pull his right arm out of the sleeve, my stomach drops. There are marks all over his arm. White, pale pink, red. Some look new.
     I take his other arm out and pull the shirt off over his head, tossing it aside.
     This arm is the same.
     How have I never noticed them before? I never questioned it when he started wearing long sleeves all of the time. I just assumed he liked them.
     I feel as though I've been kicked in the gut. My eyes burn and I have to swallow a lump that forms in my throat. I don't really know what it is I'm feeling, but I know I don't like it.
   
     I'm sure Shinji sees through me, but I pretend I don't notice them and move on to helping remove his pants. When I have them unbuttoned, I ask him to lift up and he uses what little strength he has left to push himself up so I can struggle them down.
     He's either uncharacteristically willing, or lacks even the strength to protest. If this were any other time, I'm sure he'd be abashedly fighting me, insisting he can do it himself.
     I worry he's given up, but I have to put these things out of my mind for now. I just need to focus on warming him back up.

     I grab him around the waist and pull him to his feet. Turning him around, I get one foot into the tub at a time, and once he's in, I lower him down slowly.
     He gasps a little at the temperature of the water, but when I ask, he assures me with a slight shake of the head that it's not too hot.

    He settles in, trembling less and less as his body slowly gets used to the water. Though he continues to stare down, his mind elsewhere. 
     Taking a cup, I slowly pour water over his head as I tilt it back, making sure none of it gets in his eyes. Once his hair is wet again, I take a little shampoo and lather it in. I'm not sure how he ended up with mud all over him, but I'll wash it out and warm him all at once.
     "Close your eyes." I say softly once I've thoroughly scrubbed his hair. 
     He does as he's told and I carefully rinse out the suds.
    
     The colour finally starts to return to his face. His cheeks are flushed and his lips pink. He even seems a little more aware and reactive. All good signs.
     I call his name and he glances up at me for a brief moment before looking back down again. Though his cheeks flush a little this time.
     "Are you still cold? Should I run more hot water?" I ask.
     Shinji sniffles.
     "I'm warm." He croaks in a barely audible whisper.

     "Do you want to get out?"

     He thinks for a moment and then nods.

     "Alright, just hold on."
     I grab a towel and am about to help him up when he stops me.
     "I-I'll be fine....Could you..leave?" He asks timidly and without any eye contact.

     "Of course."
     I set the towel down on the ledge, gather his wet clothes, and close the bathroom door behind me.
     I stand with my back to the door for a moment, taking a deep breath. Droplets of water from the clothes in my arms drip onto the floor around my feet.
     I feel sick, exhausted, and emotionally drained. I feel like I could drop at any second, but I have to push through it. Shinji needs me right now.
     I quickly throw his clothes into the wash and grab him a clean, dry pair of pyjamas before I return to the bathroom.

     "Shinji? I have some dry clothes for you.."I say, knocking quietly.
     After a moment, the door opens. Shinji is wrapped in the towel and reaches out for the clothes. His skin is flushed and his wet hair dangles and drips messily on his face.
     He takes the clothes and closes the door again, leaving me standing in the hallway with my face reddening.

     I start to nervously pace up and down the hall. I know that he's okay; for the most part anyways, but I don't know how much he can handle. Is he sure he doesn't need my help right now? Isn't there anything else I can do?

     I think about other ways to keep him warm and land on making him something hot to drink. Though, my cupboards are embarrassingly empty.
     I know Shinji likes coffee, but he drank the last of it the other morning. Tea isn't something I've ever liked, and I don't have any ciders. The only thing I might have is old hot chocolate powder.
     I frantically dig though cupboards until I find the old tin of hot chocolate behind a bunch of unorganized cans and spices
     After I've poured some into two mugs, I open the fridge, but to my dismay, I'm all out of milk...
     Water will have to do...
     Once I've boiled the water and filled our cups, I take them to the table, careful not to burn my hands.

     Not a moment later, the bathroom door creaks open.
     Shinji steps out of the bathroom, drying his hair with the towel. He hesitates for a moment but slowly pads up to the table and sits down.

     "I made some hot chocolate. I thought you'd like some." I say, pushing his cup closer to him.
     Shinji grips the mug with both hands.
     "Thank you." He says flatly, staring down into the steaming liquid.

  I turn to look out the window, adjusting my focus to see through the reflected kitchen lights.
     I don't want to pressure him into talking, but I'm not sure what to do. I don't usually get squirrelly if there's awkward silences, especially not with Shinji. But I feel like I should be saying something right now. I can't just leave things as they are. I can't pretend nothing's happened.
     Maybe if I start with asking how he's feeling, I can get a better idea of-
 
     "Kaworu?" Shinji says suddenly, pulling me from my thoughts.
     "Yes?" I reply a little too eagerly.
     "Aren't you...cold? You haven't changed out of your clothes..."

      I look down to see that my clothes are completely soaked. Only now do I start to feel a chill.

     "Oh..I hadn't noticed." I say, slightly confused. "I'll be right back."