No Valentine

Nicole Cruse

January 27, 2017 (18 Days Until Valentine's Day)

I want to be in a relationship so bad! I want to be loved. I want to be appreciated. I don't know why it seems like, no matter what I do, I can't keep a guy past Thanksgiving, let alone Valentine's Day. I don't know why life is so hard for me! Don't get what I'm saying twisted though. I don't need a nigga! When I walk the yard at Laketon State, you can't stop these niggas from staring at me. It's like they're hypnotized or something!

Be clear, getting a nigga isn't hard at all. It's getting a good nigga that tough. Where are they? I just want a nigga that I can talk to that doesn't have another whole girlfriend. I just want a nigga that won't play games with me. I just want a nigga that'll care. Is that so hard to ask? Where are they? You can't find them because of all these thots out here. These niggas are straight annoying. I can't get food in the café without them coming at me with their lame pickup lines.

"Hey ma, you got some sexy knees!"

"Can I get your number?"

"You couldn't be a freshman looking like that!"

All these niggas want is sex. I'm saving myself until marriage and, so far, none of these niggas here are gonna change that! I can't even see myself with any nigga on this campus period! I want so much more out of myself that these niggas around here can't give me. To be real, I don't want to end up like my parents. I want something real.

It seems like they got married just to get divorced. They used to argue all the time when they were together. I never saw them happy with each other. I feel like it was all my Dad's fault. That nigga would go out and cheat on my Momma all the time. Then, he was so dumb that he would bring them back to the house when he thought no one was home. He was a construction worker so he would be free during the day. This nigga would bring women through the house during his lunch break. I guess being a hoe was more important than eating.

I caught him one time. Yeah, it was back in 11th grade when I used to ride the bus. I came home and heard moaning in coming from his room. I didn't know he was doing at the time so I was scared. I snuck back there and peeked through he cracked door and saw what he was doing. I was shocked, more heartbroken than anything! I pushed open the door in frustration, screaming, "How could you!"

He hopped off of her and started copping pleas, "Baby girl, it's not what you think!"

"It's not what I think, it's what I see!"

The woman made her way past me quick as he pulled his pants up over himself.

"Listen baby girl, sometimes married people have issues..."

I cut off the BS that he was saying in my mind. I was done. I was done with him and I was done with the situation. Forget his issues! I go an issue with how he was all up on that woman but he barely even kissed Momma. Besides, I haven't been his "baby girl" since I was a baby girl. That nigga ducked of after they got divorced. He hasn't seen his "baby girl" since!

It's a shame that my girl Kyra has a more stable relationship than my parents did. Her and Abrahm are so cute! He's the definition of a good nigga. They're #relationshipgoals for real! I love being around them. The have so much chemistry. They be finishing each other sentences and everything. Then, it's so cute when the bicker with each other. I'm not even gonna flex, I get jealous sometimes.

I had to tell her how I just adore their relationship one day. We were sitting in the Student Activity Center eating Chic-Fi-A when I told her straight up, "You inspire me!"

She laughed. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you inspiring me!"

"How do I inspire you?"

"With your relationship! Abrahm is fine and he's faithful? Girl, you hit the good nigga jackpot!"

She smiled and took a sip of her Sprite. "He's alright."

"Girl, you got to tell me how to do it. It's January 27th right now and I'm trying to get baed up before Valentine's day!"

"Why are you so determined to get with somebody? Why don't you just chill and let it come to you?"

I smacked my lips and rolled my eyes. "Girl, I've been chilling for my whole life. I'm confident in myself and I'm valuable. I'm probably the best catch on this campus because, honey, I'm the closest thing that you're gonna find to 'bad and boujee' at Laketon State with all this stiff and sour weave that you see around here!"

Kyra laughed. "Girl, you're too much!"

"I'm serious though! You see all these mutts out here on campus? They have niggas! Asia and me are gonna be single on Valentine's Day and we cute! I'm really not even gonna go outside during Valentine's Day."

"Don't you have classes on Tuesday?"

"Not Tuesday, February 14th! I can't do it! Seeing these no good niggas going all out to get one of their many girlfriends something for Valentine's Day is going to aggravate me to no end."

You might think I'm doing too much but I'm gonna always tell the truth. Valentine's day is the one day of the year where every good woman should be celebrated and appreciated by a man. Mind you I said "good". These niggas are going to be all out on the yard giving the thots they wife up roses, chocolate and movie tickets. Meanwhile, that same girl is going to be getting trained up on Thursday at the frat house. Mind you, I'm still single. You'd be frustrated too!

Kyra got her trash and stood up. "You're thinking too much into this Nicole. It's not that serious."

"It's easier for you to say. You've had you a Valentine since 11th grade!"

"I'd love to talk about this more but you know I have this 1:00 class. Call me later?"

"I don't have a nigga to call so you already know I'ma hit your line."

Kyra laughed and shook her head and said "Bye girl!" as she walked away.

Just as Kyra was walking out the door, my girl Asia walked in. Asia always bursting with energy but today something was different.

"Everything good with you Asia?"

"Yeah, I'm straight."

I looked her in the eye. "Be real with me now. Is everything alright? Are you sick or something?"

"I'm ok 'Cole! Just drop it, please."

I held up my hands. "Alright!"

"What are you doing in here?"

"I just had lunch with Kyra."

"Did she talk about how things were going between her and Abrahm?"

I smiled. "You already know she didn't have to. You already know how they rock!"

Asia didn't say anything. She just sat down and got on her phone. We talk about Kyra and Abrahm being goals all the time! What's her issue?

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