Knowing You're There

Chapter 17

I sat down on the edge of my bed.  “No you didn’t.” 

“Well how else would I have gotten over here?” he asked, his voice rising.  He sat down beside me, his arm reaching around my side.  “Everything is going to be okay.” 

I shook my head.  “No it’s not.  I can’t get around without Star!” 

He took my free hand in his.  “There is a way to do everything.  I know that you can figure out something.” 

“Yeah, I’d have to use that stupid cane in the back of my closet.  You have no idea how much I hate that thing.” 

“You know,” he said, stroking my back.  “I could always be your eyes for you when we’re together.” 

“But what about when we’re not?” I tiled my head towards his.  “What about when I’m on my freaking own?  Then what?” 

I wrapped his other arm around me and brought me into his shoulder where I started crying once again.  Having Kurt there didn’t even help to numb the pain.  No matter how safe I felt in his arms, Star was still fading. 

“Hey, I have another idea,” he said.  “Let’s go downstairs.” 

I sniffled a few times.  “I don’t want to go in front of my family like this.”

“You won’t,” he said.  “That’s because we’re going outside.” 

I sighed.  “Kurt, I don’t want to ride on your snowmobile now.  I’m not in the mood.” 

“We won’t, but we’re still going outside.  You just have to trust me.” 

So Kurt and I went downstairs.  I bundled back up and let Star stay inside so she could rest.  Kurt let me hold onto his arm are we crunched down the walkway and to my ice and snow-covered driveway.  The wind had picked up speed and was burning my face.  The snow fell quickly and at an angle, smacking my face from the left.  My heart pounded at the thought of falling again. 

“Okay, I’m going to let go of you,” Kurt said. 

“What? No! You can’t do that!” I cried. 

“Just trust me,” he said, and gently took my hands off of his arm.  I trembled in the cold as he walked down the driveway.  “Okay, now just follow the sound of my voice and come to me.” 

My jaw dropped.  “I can’t do that!  You’re like all the way at the end of the driveway you dick.” 

“Your point?” he shouted.  “You can do it Lia.  Just go slowly.” 

I took a deep breath and held out my gloved hands as if something would suddenly pop up out of the driveway.  I exhaled and took a shaky step with my right leg.  I haven’t fallen yet.  This is good, I thought.  So I took another step, then another, and just when I was gaining confidence on my seventh step, my foot hit a patch of ice and I flew forward.  Luckily, my hands were able to break the fall. 

“Are you okay?” Kurt asked. 

I sat there on my knees, feeling hopeless.  “I can’t do it Kurt!  I need Star!” 

“Lia, I need you to stop doubting yourself,” he said.  “I need you to get back up.  Just tell yourself that you can do it.” 

I moaned and got to my feet, nearly falling a second time.  Arms out, I tried again, using my feet to feel for ice.  Before I knew it, something hit me: Kurt.  His arms locked around me as he spun me around at the end of the driveway. 

“See, you did it!  I told you so!” he said. 

I laughed, smiling and feeling free as we twirled together in the snow.