Checkmate | JB

IX.

"I don't know her last name," I rushed, an ignorant look coming over my face as I recognised this bartender to be wasting my time, "look you jerk, stop wasting my goddamn time, I need to talk to the boss about her. It's urgent!"

He rose an eyebrow and crossed his arms with a sudden look of attitude on his face, "You're speaking to him right now."

I froze, acknowledging my mistake instantly. Once again, all I could do was curse myself underneath my breath for always being so stupid. I tried to look genuine by giving him a slight tense smile, even though, everything I was doing was for show only, "I'm sorry."

"I don't remember hiring a Bella." He shrugged and continued picking up empty glasses people had left after themselves. He looked around the bar, his eyes searching for a familiar face. "I don't see any female around either."

I closed my eyes in frustration, "She works the night shift, usually."

His movements stopped as he looked deep in thought, almost a bit terrified all of a sudden, and then a short breath, "We close at ten pm each night, kid. You must have gotten the wrong bar."

I shook my head furiously, knowing that she was usually standing in the exact same place as he was right now, behind that desk and serving alcohol. I had not mistaken the bar because this was the bar I went to. This was the only bar in this neighbourhood that I had ever found. She used to be here.

I ran out of the bar again, bumping into an angry heartbroken man that was drinking his problems away and angrily tried to grab my jacket but missed. I thanked God for that. I didn't have time to deal with drunks right now, especially not when I had a girl to find.

I saw the blood, I saw everything.

I felt her yesterday. I felt her physically. I had sex with that woman. There is no way I was imagining that. She was real. I wasn't crazy. I swear I'm not crazy. I saw her, I saw the blood and the mess she left behind when whoever must have grabbed her from that window. I heard her scream, I heard her shout for help. She needed me and I wasn't there for her.

I am not crazy.

I was shaking as I opened the driver's door to the car, my muscles felt weaker than usual and I had a hard time focusing on anything but what had been real or not lately. It was like my brain played a movie for me, about myself, in my head. Yet, I couldn't figure out what was wrong. Something about this was off. Something about her was strange. If she didn't work at the bar, who was the woman who had served me alcohol all those months? I know I was there. I entered the bar, the bartender flirted with me and every other man in there. Right? It wasn't in my head, right?!

No, she was real.

But then again, no one had really been able to confirm her to me. She had never met anyone of my friends or team. I had always been alone around her. Maybe she was there to fulfil my loneliness? What if I only had been desperate these past few months?

No, she must be real.

I was conflicted on so many ways in my head. It felt like my head was about to exploded. I knew she wasn't in my imagination, she was real but I kept thinking about my past experiences with drugs and what they did to me and my mind. I've experienced a slow descent while coming in and out of cognizance. Sometimes I would see through delusions, but at other times they were all too real. I was extremely paranoid and one night I went completely insane and thought that evil spirits were invading my house. I was treated, in many ways and I was surely fine again. I hadn't experienced any problems ever since.

When I was depressed, I took heavy drugs. Heavy drugs that made me completely gone and out of my head. But it was impossible for that to be the reason I had found Bella. She was real. I wasn't on drugs anymore and I hadn't been since those situations occurred. This was different. Right? I had already been insane for a long time ago. I don't think I could take that again.