On Our Own (gxg)

Chapter 15 - Selection

I want to get into her cell. No, you don't, Rayen.

Once acain I glance up and down the hallway, check for any sounds. Nothing. My mind races and trips, I can't think straight anymore. You can certainly not go in there, Rayen. What would the superiors think? You have absolutely no objective reason to enter the cell, get rational!

Unsure of what to do I remain standing at attention, occasionally glancing into the cell, finding Luna's eyes locked to mine, blushing, looking down, returning to standing at attention again. It becomes quite a routine.

I lose any track of time fastly because everytime our eyes meet sheepishly everything else blurs. I am just calm and somehow content. I forget why I am here and what is on the stake. It's not like I am not internally dead and emotionless anymore, it's not that I don't hide myself again to build a protecting wall between me and the world that threatens to overexert me. It is just simply that I don't care about anything else.

That's why I startle when 7 soldiers enter the sector and appear at the end of the hallway. Most of them nod in a greeting manner, I salute just for sure. They start slowly walking along the cells, but it's different to the last time I saw soldiers passing the glass walls. The last time they have been snarting at the Goners, disrespecting them. This time there are first of all remarkably more soldiers of remarably higher ranks - as far as I can tell all of them in the Special Forces. And second, they behave differently. They don't use their position to feel superior. They seem like they know they are.

Instead, they just walk dangerously slowly along the hallway. The leader, a high general in front.

"We need another 5."

What? They keep on passing the cells, looking into every single one, valuing the condition of every Goner they pass until -

"That one looks fine. Should be in Juh'r Kran's interest. Get her to the others after she has finished."

The general had stopped at a cell six rooms away from me and spoke to a soldier behind him.

"Clean yourself up! And hurry a little."

He scoffs at the Goner inside the cell he's facing, only to turn around and continue his way down the hallway in my direction. He scans every single cell with is eyes, somehow it reminds me of someone hungry eagerly focussing on their favourite meal just before it's ready to be eaten.

"That one, too." A second soldier stops and waits for the Goner in the cell opposite of the first one and a little closer to me. They are somehow selecting those Goners. I don't know what is going to happen to them or why they are selected, but my heart is pounding stronger and faster the closer the Special Forces come. I don't want them to take Luna. Step by step the general approaches, terribly slowly but frightening relentlessly. He passes another 2 cells and just shakes his head at the Goners inside, then he reaches Luna's cell.

And he stops.

And he nods.

"This one looks fine. Recruit, get her to the main hall of the sector when she has cleaned up."

There is heat, such a raging flame inside my chest, leaving a mess of black and grey. I am panicing, cold sweat runs down my back, my hands are cold as ice, shaking. They can't get her. They simply can not get her. I don't know how - but these Special Forces are definately not just taking Goners to work. They are dangerous.

I need all my courage to speak up, praying that my voice does not transport how frightened I am or reveals that I lie.

"Sir, may I say something?"

"Yes, Recruit... Finley?" He actually stops to read out my name from the little name tag on my chest. But it isn't in appreciation. His voice is low, calling me by my name makes me shudder.

"Um, Sir, thank you. I do not know for which purpose you are picking Goners. But it might be in your interest to know that the outward appearance of this one is lying. I have spent about 2 hours here now, guarding, and I have noticed that girl puking and coughing the hell out of her. She has been shivering most of the time and look at her pale face. I bet she has a serious infection."

I stand and wait, I am so tensed, I have stopped breathing. There is so much tension in the atmosphere between us, I wouldn't be surprised if there were electric sparks. The remaining 4 soldiers stand back quietly and after what feels like years the general answers.

"If that is true... and I hope so, although I also see no reason why you would be lying... well, then we must pick another one. Juh'r Kran would be really angry - and that is something we definately do not want to experience. Thanks for the warning, Recruit. Stay here and then join us when we leave with the Goners that I am going to select now."

"Sir, yes, Sir."

Only when he has continued his way down the hallway and all the other soldiers have passed me I dare breathing again, feeling a relieving stream of air filling my lungs. I look up, like so many times this day and meet Luna's eyes. Only I don't look away this time. And only Luna's expression has changed. It isn't that pure expression in her eyes anymore, the warmth and the wild ocean, the painful sadness and the mere relaxation of watching me. No, I see mere fear in that eyes now. The blue is stormy, unsettled. The eyes are opened widely, and they spread so much gratitude I can't take it. Luna looks like she was about to fall down a cliff, only still alive because our eyes are interlocked. So neither of us breaks the shared look, were clinge to each other and comfort each other, I want to calm her down, want her to feel safe, but I don't move. Our eyes are the only tool we have, so nothing else matters anymore right now. I don't hear the general picking the last Goners he needs, I don't see him approaching again on his way back. I am only torn back to reality by the snarled command I hear that has my name in it.

"Join us now, Finley!"

I need incredibly much willpower to finally break Luna's and my entwined eyes. I smile at her stealthily over my shoulder as I follow the Special Forces. Luna's image burns into my soul as I leave for the last test and chance I have at the Special Forces.