orphic

i

"walker?", i hear mrs. flynn call as she continues her check of homeroom rollcall.

"present.", i lift my hand into the air momentarily, not picking my head up from my study over my notes.

in first period i had a history test, and i did not intend on failing it.

i kept glancing to the doorway to see if aaron was at school yet. every time i checked, he wasn't.

all i knew was that he had hung out with jackson and dylan over the weekend and probably did something stupid...again. all i could do was hope that it wasn't another round of drugs.

the homeroom bell rang and we all headed off to first period.
a few minutes after i had gotten settled into my desk, i felt a tap on my shoulder from the seat behind me. i turned around to be met by the face of my best friend.

i look down at his cast-covered arm immediately.
"aaron, what did you do now?"

"took a killer spin off of my bike and landed in a ditch over at dylan's, i was squished under it while the motor was still running, but we all knew i wasn't gonna die, so nobody actually got scared. and i came out of it all, with just a broken forearm.", he finished in a sly shrug.

"and how did you know you weren't gonna get killed right then, right there?", i ask.

"date.", he smirks and hold up his unbroken wrist.

"oh. yeah.", i laugh before i turn back around.

i sometimes just . . . forget? . . . about the tattooed death dates. i never see mine, so i don't think about it.

"man i couldn't imagine having to stare at that thing all the time.", i tell him as i continue to face the front.

"eh. it's not that bad."
i can somehow feel his shrug.

"c'mon, aaron. i know that's a lie. it bothers you more than you let on."

"you're wrong, hudson. i swear it doesn't affect me. i've told this a million times since the seventh grade.", i hear him sigh.

maybe it was true that it didn't bother him.
it bothered me though . . . his numbers did. i knew that he would go on before me. sooner rather than later.

sooner as in, this year, sooner.

it hurt me to know that he, my best friend, wouldn't be here much longer.

not like i had to grieve over it for very long. my date said i would die next year. my senior year.

before prom. before graduation.
before my parents.

okay, maybe i let it get to me a little bit.

but i, hudson j. walker, hereby agree at this very moment to not worry about the silly number any longer.

the bell rings to start class and i'm snapped out of my thoughts. i realize that i still have no idea what's on this test i'm about to be forced to take.

i brush through the three pages with quick guesses. i can tell everyone else did the same, as i can soon hear the shuffling of feet to walk up and turn the tests in.

as i'm walking to give my paper to mr. hidgen, i feel a smaller body collide with mine. i look down and see that vanessa had turned around not paying attention and ran into me. she backs up a little with a small and awkward giggle.
"sorry.", she whispers, making sure mr. hidgen can't hear her.

"it's fine.", i gave her a slight wink.

vanessa and i have liked each other for a very long time, and we flirt constantly. the only reason we haven't gotten together is because of the dates. we're scared to get too close, and then have it all end when i die next year.

but then again, didn't i say i'm not going to worry about that any more?

she walks back to her desk slowly and i turn in my paper. as i begin to go back to my desk, i hear the teacher whisper to me, not trying to disturb the other students in the class.

"yes, sir?", i ask nervously as i walk back up to the stout older man's desk.

"aaron, your friend. does he have much longer?"

"unfortunately, i have to say no.", i shook my head. we were still in a whisper but i felt like i was shouting out to the whole world that my best friend was about to have his life taken from him.

"ah. poor boy.", i hear mr. hidgen sigh as i turn my back to him and head to my seat again.

i sit and swear to myself that i won't look at my date or anyone else's ever again, no matter how evident they are. i have mine memorized, yes. but who's to say i can't forget it?

• • •

i go through the day tiredly, waiting in anxiety about asking vanessa out. finally.

eventually, the last bell rings and i head out to the parking lot. i see vanessa standing by her friend savannah's vehicle, talking to her.
i make the bold move to go over and ask to talk to her.

upon walking closer, i see that both girls are crying.

"hey, vanessa? what--what's going on?", i ask.

"hudson,", she keeps crying. i swallow a lump in my throat. i can feel that whatever it is isn't good.

"it's tomorrow.", she breathes out and then tears flow even harder.

"what's tomorrow?", i ask as i step closer to savannah. "what is she talking about, savannah?"

"her date. it's tomorrow.", she whispers as tears slide down her face, only to be replaced with more.

"no. there's no way. van, i thought mine came before yours? i--i thought that's why we couldn't ever be together?", i say as a few tears well up into my eyes.

"i lied, hudson. okay?! my tattoo is on my back, you can't ever see it, so i lied to make myself feel better! i'm going to die tomorrow. there's nothing i can do now.", she had managed to stop herself from crying a little.

"well. if today is your last full day on earth, i'm taking you on a date tonight.", i say.

"what?", she looks back up at me. i feel savannah glaring in confusion.

"yeah. i have a football game tonight at six. come to it, and then i'm going to take you out afterwards. on a date. officially.", i smirk.

she smiles, though tears, and then agrees.
"okay. i'd like that."

"cool."
i turn on my heels, and as i walk back to my car, i can hear vanessa scream in joy, along with savannah.

it's kind of hard to think about vanessa being gone after tonight.
none of us know how we're going to go, it's just a guessing game.

all i know, is i have to make this date the best one in history.