Checkmate | JB

III.

No, none of that. It would hardly work. I could not picture me getting a thrill of embarrassing myself, I would just go home (or here, to this bar) to grieve how low IQ I must have to be that stupid. A leaked sex tape? What was I thinking? Why would that help me get my excitement up? Plus, I had no one to make it with.

People would think I have lots of women around but the truth is, I have forgotten how to communicate with them. I have completely forgotten how to speak to women without stuttering my words or showing an interest in something that would make them catch their attention about me. I no longer can behave like a normal person, not around women nor anyone else either. I was a lost human soul that preferred to be alone.

If Bella doesn't count, that is.

I could picture myself together with her. She seemed similar to me and it both scared me and had me more interested. I didn't speak last night but neither did she, it was entirely my fault that the conversation died quickly and that the car ride continued with silence.

I had at least said goodbye, which I gave her no chance to reply with before I had shut the door harshly on her. I must have seen extremely bored or ungrateful. Which is, why I was here. I told her, thank you for the ride, but I could say it again. All I wanted to do was to see her.

But it was closed and I had to come up with something to do for four hours before it opened again. The opening hours told me so, at least.

I considered wandered around the neighbourhood but then realised it would only cause me to get my wallet ripped out of my hand in a street robbery by some drunk. I have heard lots about this neighbourhood and I knew that guns were a natural thing to wear around these corners. So, I changed my mind about taking a walk.

Instead, it occurred to me that I could sit in my car and wait. I had sixty percent battery left on my phone which should be more than enough to stream a movie. If not, I think I had left a charger somewhere.

I did as my thoughts told me to and sat down in the car. There were thousands of different movie options available but for some reason, I did not find any of them interesting. It was like having a gorgeous buffet in front of you but not feeling hunger whatsoever.

Eventually, I gave up. I sunk down in my seat, thinking of other possible things I could do and just as I was thinking of driving home again, I noticed a shadow sneaking into the bar's exit door. I could tell who it was by the curves and dark hair and before I could even think things through, I was already hurrying out the door.

"Hey, Bella!" I shouted after her. She froze before she turned around, by then I was already close enough to touch her. Which I, of course, did not. "I wanted to say thank you for last night."

She looked me up and down, making me feel judged and I instantly regretted my choice of outfit. Perhaps I should have thought about impressing her a bit more. "I'm sorry, do I know you?"

"Yeah?" I said with a little laugh, feeling stupid. "Uh, you met me last night at this bar."

Once again, she looked me up and down and I could tell she was trying really hard to remember me. I felt ashamed and realised this was the exact reason to why I could no longer speak to women. I had already made a fool out of myself and I had only spoken a few sentences to this girl. My chances with her were basically thrown out the window already. I was completely embarrassed.