Young and Reckless (A Guns N' Roses Fan-fiction)

18. Stay and Help Me End the Day

"Yes. I gotta go to work." I said. "I made you breakfast so--"

"He's not home, Em. He got into rehab."

What I felt must be radiating and Saul could see it on my face and could read my mind. The waterworks began again and I was pulled into his embrace. I didn't expect this reaction of his.

"I want to see him. Please." I barely whispered. My arms went around him, seeking for comfort.

"I know, doll. I know." Saul said and kissed my forehead. "But not now. We have to let him on his own for a while. You can't keep helping him, he needs to help himself if he wants to recover."

"But..."

"Just stay here. Please." He pleaded in a sober tone that I almost forgot that he was drowning himself in whiskey before bed.

I nodded and Saul helped me carry my things back to his bedroom. Part of me wanted to go and and see Steven but the other part of me wanted to stay with Saul.

We went to Axl's Malibu estate in the afternoon for their regular band meeting and practice. Being the only female there made me feel a bit out of place but that was the least of my worries. The band practice however turned out to be a huge play time.

"I ain't no mood for piggybacks, boy," Duff drawled at Saul. "Get your heavy ass off my back!"

"Not until you give me back my pick," Saul said, locking his arms around Duff's neck. "Come on man, it was a gift from Lemmy!"

"Hey, Izzy took it! Not me."

"You guys won't make it in the ring. You both suck in wrestling!" Axl chuckled. Izzy said nothing but he looked amused while watching the petty fight. Their new drummer, Matt, was laughing as he twirled a drumstick with his fingers.

It was like a deja vu to me. There were times when I would look at Matt and see Steven instead. Matt was a nice man. He acted like the big brother of the band and was not really into drugs and heavy partying and I appreciate him for that but he was not Steven. I know it was so bad of me to have that way of thinking but with Steven being gone and had lost contact, it felt like everything to me and to the band was going to change.

"Yo, Emilia." The snapping of Izzy's fingers brought me back to the ground.

I put on a faint smile and said, "Er. What is it?"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Soon I found myself pouring my heart out to a man whom for several years I had thought was nothing but a cold and quiet one. Izzy surprised me by listening to me and he wasn't judging me for the way I felt for Steven. I told him how I wanted to help the guy get back to his feet and get back to his band and friends.

But even Izzy disagreed. "It's not just you. It's hard for us too, you know. There's nothing we can do right now."

"You gotta give him another chance." I said. "He needs help and who's gonna help him none other than his friends?"

"He had many chances and they didn't seem to work."

Somewhere in my mind I knew Izzy was right. Steven blew off many chances still I thought he didn't deserve to be fired and left alone. It appeared that it was only me looking at a different angle of things. The others had already given up.

"I promised I'd help him," I said. "I'll keep my word."

"As much as I want him back on the road like you do, it's over and done with. We can't take him back." Izzy stated before leaving to go to the boys.

"Wait! What?" I shouted, making him stop. Thank God the others were upstairs in Axl's personal studio. "Why can't you take him back?"

"Because the band's about to fall apart," Izzy said without turning back. "Not now, not tomorrow but one day it will."

That was the last straw. I couldn't take it anymore and I burst in tears with my head in my hands, my long curls hiding my reddening face. I quickly regained composure after realizing I wasn't alone.

"I'm sorry. I just...." I sniffled. "I know it's nothing to do with me but it just...it still hurts...I'm so sorry." I said, walking past Izzy to go to the bathroom.

"You have every right to feel the way you wanna feel about this," I heard him say. He came closer and held my chin up so I could look up to him. "You've always been a part of this group. Sure you don't play instruments or sing...you're part of the band because you were with us from the very beginning. You're still with us, despite our huge flaws and differences. If you can't give up on Steven, don't give up on him as well. Stay with us, stay with him."

"If he's not high, he's drunk, Izzy. He acts like he hates me. Sometimes, he's nice but when I mention Steven or his own drug use, he just loses it." I confessed. "And I can't stick around with people who hate me and the way I look out for them."

Izzy shook his head. "He needs you more than ever, Em. He'll act the exact opposite but it doesn't change anything."

I only shrugged. I wasn't half-convinced on what he said. At least I tried not to believe everything he said. Izzy went upstairs so I was left alone and I had the time and space I needed to release and to contemplate life's turning of wheels.

Walking out into the house's courtyard, I sat on the wooden bench and pulled my knees close to my chest. I just stared at the beautiful landscape composed of miniture sunflowers, birds of paradise, water fountain with a statue of Siddharta in lotus position. It was a calming scenery to look at and I suddenly fell asleep to the sound of the rippling water.

I was awoken by Saul who rubbed my back. "Time to go, girly."

"Oh..." I stirred and looked at the time on my watch. 4:56. "Aren't we supposed to stay until seven?"

"Well I'm allowed leave early. I told them I have plans for tonight."

"Okay. I'll just get a taxi."

"Won't do. You're coming with me." Saul smirked. "What do you say we get dinner and go to the movies?"

In the end we chose neither of the two. As soon as we got back to Saul's place we went straight to bed and laying comfortably on our stomachs while sharing a tub of chocolate ice cream. If you believe in stress-eating like I do, then it wasn't a surprise that I had eaten half of the tub of that cold, creamy delight.

"That was good," I said, licking my spoon clean. "Thanks for the treat."

"You promised you'll help me finish it," he pouted, scooped some more and held it in front of my mouth. "Open up."

"Can't. My tummy's already full." I insisted but he held the spoon closer that the melting ice cream was touching my lips. I relented and opened my mouth before it spills and makes a mess on the newly-washed sheets.

"Isn't it sweet. You want more? I'm sure you do." Saul said with a grin. I rolled my eyes at him but ended up smiling. And the smile turned to giggles. We finished the whole tub in less than a minute. We didn't bother to clean up, we just put aside the spoons and empty container on the bedside table.

"You sound like a love-struck teenager on his first date, do you know that?" I teased as I lay my head accross his chest, his arm acted as a second pillow and kept me in place. "Not so Slash-like at all."

"I know," he chuckled. "So what if I am? It did put you in a better mood didn't it?"

I hummed in affirmation and began to doze off. Moments later I felt being laid down on the soft pillows and covered by a blanket up to the waist. I opened my eyes and was met with Saul's gaze. Reaching for the side of his face, my thumb drew circular patterns on his cheek as it inched closer to gently touch the infamous nose ring. My other hand held the back of his head as I leaned forward to touch his lips with mine.

I kissed him and that's all it took for the whirlwind to come alive within my guts. The man had that look that said he wasn't expecting what I did but he said no more and kissed me one more time before laying on the other side of the bed. Only his mass of dark curls and his back had talked to me as silence took over the room like it did the night before.